Eastman School of Music

LiveJournal

2005-07-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

I decided to make the switch to livejournal since a lot of people are on it and I spend time reading their stuff so might as well make it all in one thing...so check my profile on AIM (ael12002) for my livejournal link, I'll still keep the link for this one up so people can read and stuff...so yeah.

song updates

2005-07-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

So, I know have a grand total of four songs written...

Something About You
Friday Girl
Stars
Whatever Hapenned

There is a fifth in the works that doesn't have a title or words but the piano part has been all tightened form wise.

"Something About You" is currently in a small editing stage...some people have told me it's too high for my voice, others have told me it sounds fine, it just needs some vocal harmonies and some other instrumental textures in there, so I'm tinkering around with it to see if I like the higher version better or not...for some reason I can't imagine it differently because it's the original key I wrote it in and I usually don't like to change those, but I've been working on it.

"Friday Girl" is a bit of a nonsense song...it's basically about a popular girl in school (just a general person) and how this guy wants to be noticed...it basically really means nothing in the end, it's set to a very upbeat "rock" beat, something that would be fun to just listen to...it's just my try at a not so serious song...it's technically done but I still need to do some lyric revisions and tighten up the actual playing part and everything to make sure it just all fits in with no extra loose ends.

I finished "Stars" this morning. It was a poem I wrote in Creative Writing back when I was upset or something...the piano intro kinda has a nightime feel to it...I don't know how to describe it, the intro is in 4/4 but the right hand is broken up into groups of sixteenth notes - 3 3 2...so you count it out 1 2 3 1 2 3 12 1 23 123 12 and that's your whole bar for the right hand...something about it makes me think of stars, I don't know how. The concept behind this song is that the title doesn't really kick in till the bridge which is basically all over three main pedal tones in the left hand while the right hand is playing in 6/8 moving into 4/8 but the articulation is weird so it sounds almost like 7/8 but really isn't...the whole bridge is going to have this almost coldplay feeling to it...by coldplay feeling I mean there is gonna be a synth pad underneath the piano that's gonna be very atmosphery with some vocal harmony...it should be fun, I need to write out the chords and stuff and sketch a guitar part out for Steve when I get a chance.

"Whatever Hapenned" is technically not even done...I don't know why I posted it as done, but it could be...the form is set, the words are all set...this is another poem from Creative Writing where the mini refrain is "all we do is in the name of love" or "alls we do is for love"...kind of awkward, but somehow fits into the song which is just basically lots of questions about things in life...I wrote it way early in the morning last year so I don't know what it all means but somehow it connects.

So that's the song update...maybe some of you care or not who knows...I'm working full time this week which does blow a lot...I may be able to get up early in the mornings just so I can practice piano in the morning before I go to work at 9 for a little bit so that when I get back I can spend an hour or two alone (now that the family is gone in france for a bit) and see if I can record sketch tracks for these so I can get a better idea of how everything is going to sound and what I want to do. That is all.

untitled

2005-07-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

So, the hammond M3 is all fixed up and working again...took about 2 hours for the technician to fix it but that's cause the rod inside hadn't been oiled in about 10 years so it took him an hour to loosen it up enough so it could actually rotate to turn the organ on and then he had to spend another hour to work on getting the motor to engage the rod to turn it on...if the motor doesn't engage, the rod doesn't spin fast enough with the rotors to power the organ and get the speaker to work (much less the tubes to turn on as well).

The Kurzweil most likely will be fixed by tomorrow...if not this weekend...if not by early next week...he's only waiting on ONE piano key on there to fix and then it's basically all done and fixed again. I can't wait, I hope it's ready tomorrow so we can have it for the jam session on Sunday.

In other news, summer is going well...my dad leaves for France tomorrow night which means I have the house to myself for slightly under 2 weeks before I go to France towards end of July...though what sucks is that starting next week TILL I leave for France I'm working fulltime at the office from 9am-5:30pm to cover for the paralegal who is out on vacation, so that will be interesting considering that means I'll have to learn how to do 10 million new things and make phone calls and such, but whatever, at least it will hopefully make the time go by faster than scanning...then again, the morning hours go by fast for me...it's the afternoons that kill me.

Last night I played at open mic night with Steve. He went up first and played a song he wrote called "Fantasy" and then I joined him for his other song "Uncried Tears"...we played it back in March but he didn't realize the mic was backwards (it's one of those weird old style microphones) ...then I did "Brick" by Ben Folds, a song that I wrote called "Something About You" and then "Zak and Sara" by BEn Folds...and then Steve and I did another piano duet thingy...so it was good, I've never sung in front of people like that before, but it was definitely a lot of fun.

Gear Update

2005-07-03T13:13:00.000-07:00

So it's been a crazy year with gear...and now I think I need to stop buying and actually start using all this stuff and learning how things work...so today I got ANOTHER microphone...Will's friend dropped a Shure SM58 and it cracked in half but Will superglued it together and it still works perfectly, so he gave it to me...anyways, here's my final gear readout:

--Software--
Digidesign ProTools M-Powered
Propellerhead Reason 3.0

--Interface--
M-Audio Firewire 410
M-Audio Audiophile 2496 (on another computer)

--Speakers--
Alesis M1 Active MK2 Studio Monitors

--Keyboards--
Roland Fantom X8
Kurzweil K2600XS (in the shop till end of July)
Vintage Hammond M3 Organ (need to get the speaker fixed)

--Amps--
Roland KC150 100W Keyboard Amp

--Microphones--
2x Shure SM58 Dynamic Microphones

--Other--
2x Microphone Boom Stands
2x 20 ft Monster XLR cables
1x Hosa MIDI Cables
2x LiveWire 20ft 1/4" Cables
2x LiveWire 10ft XLR-1/4" Cables
2x Mogami Balanced XLR Cables
1x Set of Auralex Studio Monitor Pads

--Pedals--
2x Yamaha Sustain Pedals
1x Boss 5U Non-Latch Switch/Control Pedal

I think now that all the gear and everything has been acquired it's time to really start working on songs and recording myself and possibly playing out more with people this summer and into the coming years...now I just need to save my money!

and it's july

2005-07-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

So two months till summer is over -ag;awioge;awoiejwaogiae;ajw

In other news, the progressive rock band "Black Crescent" (or soon to be another name?) has started recording a song called "Magic Box"...well it's not professionally recorded (yet??) but Paul and I have started to bounce files back and forth...he wrote the song and so now I'm going to record all the synth parts and help him write out the ending to this...he managed to record the midi as audio for the drum and bass tracks so now recording for me should be a bit easier...he also found a vocalist which is cool...all we need is a bass player...what sucks is that this is predominantly an online collaboration...tho Paul is most likely going to Berklee in the coming year so that means at some point I will get to go up and see him again and jam and work on stuff...but then maybe next summer I'll go down to VA and meet his drummer friend and if we've recorded some material by sending files back and forth online, then we can jam in person and see what's up...who knows, maybe I have a future in the progressive rock world? that would be fun...need to finish school up first.

In other news (round 2), a jam session on July 17th is taking shape...Cory, Steve, Will, and Kazu and I are gonna jam for an entire day since my parents are GONE for the summer by that time, which will be nice to have the house to myself for like 2.5 weeks and hten i'll go to France and come back with my dad but he wont be home during daytime hours so thats still as if he was in France lol...but that jam session should be good...hopefully I can get the M3 fixed and working or the K2600 out of the shop.

In recent developments (had to change the introduction to the next topic, dont you think?), this summer is going well....starting to get back into the swing of things and setting out a time table so that I can do the maximum amount of work on my pieces and get back to Eastman with having a majority of the year's work done and hopefully maybe impress my teacher a little bit...I'm excited about next year, it should be a lot of fun.

Oh, I also will be getting some microphones in the coming week (or weekend??)...gonna pick up one or two Shure SM58 vocal microphones so that when I go to Las Vetas and sing (in a few weeks possibly), I'll have a good microphone...and then for recording and then just for fun...you only live once - and with the microphone, keyboard, recording software, interfaces, and studio monitors - I have no excuse to start getting back into writing again and recording down ideas to be able to listen to them to review and work on them...I'm excited...

Have you ever...

2005-06-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought that maybe the study path you're following in college or what you're doing with your life, or what you think it may be leading to is not you ? Ever doubted yourself or doubted that you were pursuing what you REALLY wanted? Yeah. That's how I feel.

Hey all...

2005-06-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

Not much to post or update...started working out this last week...biking to the Y, lifting weights, then coming home...now I just have to go back to making sure I stop snacking on crap - and that means going to Shaws to get some real food since we have nothing in this house to eat.

So Lindsay moved *tear*...I can't drive down 3 streets to see her anymore! She's all the way in Stratford...but last weekend we painted her room and it looks so good now that it's all dry and last night I went to help her setup her room and everything (and her brother's room....and then move some shit in her mother's room lol) and got back at like 1am - but her room looks really good now, and driving there only takes like 10-15 minutes, so it's not all that bad...she could have moved even farther away and then I would have been really crushed.

Things are going well now...I had a piano lesson last week as well that went well but not as well as I would have liked...my mom and Adrien are leaving for France a week from this upcoming Tuesday - which means my dad leaves the following weekend, then I get 2 weeks or so on my own and then I go to France for only 8 days to just visit some family and relax a little...

This summer is going by REALLY fast...but I'm having a good time...work is becoming a little quicker (as in the time flies by because I've found ways to distract myself) and I will be working full time for 2 weeks in July (9-5:30) to replace a paralegal who is going on vacation (meaning I get to become paralegal for 2 weeks and take on her responsibilities)...so that should be fun (not!) lol but at least I can just get home and practice in the evenings with NOBODY in the house - ahhhh I can't wait to have alone time...I love my family but I just need some alone time.

I think that's it though...life is going pretty well right now...drama is over (at least we all think it is, but for the time being, I haven't been stressing out over little things in my life anymore) and I'm just having a good time, and my ballerina is the best...she just is...I just love spending time with her and being with her...I'm always happy :)

And that's it I think...I'm happy, there :)

Birthday

2005-06-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, the 19th was my birthday and I must say...it was great...almost like a surprise birthday...cause when my parents were getting hte cake ready and I was in the basement jamming with Adrien (him on drums, me on my virtual moog modular synthesizer), I didn't hear Lindsay, Becca, Bill, and Will coming into the house...so when I ran up because my mom was screaming the candles were going out...I was in total shock...even blushing.

See, I don't make a big deal out of my birthday. It's a birthday...maybe after a certain age I don't get excited for it, or maybe it's just because I haven't had a real party since the age of about 13...and it's not hte party so much as it is having people who are there who don't complain and enjoying telling stories...which before the age of 12, and maybe it's the age, but people came over and got bored and that was it...but even the last few years I haven't celebrated a party with more than one person asides my family...and tonight, I had a special person with me and three of my closest friends in fairfield ... minus steve, cause he doesn't do the whole celebration thing. So anyways, they came and I got Mahler Symphony 1 (Michael Tilson Thomas), extraordinary! Along with this opera cd Bill got me that is really good (yeah I'm a dork). Becca got me these two dream theater official bootleg cds that will be here soon and I'm so excited...and Lindsay made me this photoalbum with photos of us from last year and photos of the rest of the group the times we've taken pictures...it was really sweet...that will go with me wherever I go because I miss my friends so much when I'm far away from them...between France and Rochester, can I get farther?

I realized last night how selfish I was the past year or two...the fact that I almost let myself miss out on some of the best laughs, a new relationship, smiles, and just being with my friends hurt a lot...the fact that I almost wouldn't have wanted my parents to be celebrating my 19th birthday hurt too..but I really think this time it's over with...drama on one side ended with an appology and forgiveness on my part, and I'm starting to just feel a lot less overwhelmed by certain issues...all in all, yesterday's birthday was just great...my friends were here, we had champagne, my dad made jokes, we sat and talked and smiled...went down to the basement so I could show them my new recording setup and the sounds that I can make with the virtual synthesziers...then we went to Dunkin Blonuts, I mean, Dunkin Donuts, and had coffee...Frances showed up and that was really nice of her to rush from gym to come and see us for 10 minutes.

I just wanted to say that I love my friends...and whether you guys read this blog or not, just know I love you so much and that I owe you everything in the world for dealing with me this past year...thanks for a great 19th birthday.

Summer...

2005-06-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

So I have a piano lesson in two weeks, which we'll see how that goes...got a bit of music to prepare and I want to do it well so my teacher stops treating me like a child...though that's fine, it's only one lesson and I'll be seeing someone else in New York by then..

So my audio gear is almost complete...got the new MAudio Firewire 410 today and couple that with Pro Tools, Reason 3.0, Ableton Live Lite 4.0 and a lot of songs in my head...who knows, maybe by end of summer I'll have several songs done?

This summer is going great so far...things have been getting much better on all fronts...I don't feel like really elaborating...the drama in the group has ended...drama on another front has ended thankfully...now without those things on my mind I can really focus on being with someone...and it's great.

I saw the notebook tonight which made me cry...it's funny cause I saw a lot of my grandparents in that...how my grandfather just did everything for my grandmother out of pure love for her and never left her side no matter what...and it's corny I know, but I cried a little at the end because it just hit close to home...it's been about 4 years now that they're gone...I miss them a whole lot...

It's been awhile since I've felt like this...I can't describe it...I have a lot of emotions going through my head...I have a lot of snippets of lyrics, melodies, things I want to do...just waiting for the right time or the chance to do it...but they are good feelings...really good feelings...

And with that, off to bed.

Last 2 weeks = amazing

2005-06-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

So, Jeff and Owen came and went. Let's just say, seeing people from Eastman, outside of Eastman is a lot of fun. The lack of intensity in the atmosphere made it so much more enjoyable and we had a good time.

Jeff's recital was really good. The kid is such a talent. I really enjoy his playing. With Owen here, it was nonstop laughing. I love the two of them...I think we're similar in some ways but sufficiently different that our personalities get along very easily. We had such a great time with everyone, and open mic night this past week was hilarious. Jeff played the piano so intensily that part of it broke and at the end of the night Andrew came up and said "I dont know who you are or where you came from but I've never seen anyone play the piano in this cafe like that". Good times.

Some memorable Owen quotes:

"Where is New York City? Is that in New York State?"
"Who is Peter Pan?"
"So, who is Pootie Tang, and are Pootie Tang and Peter Pan related?"

Other memorable events:

* Owen and the hot sauce at George's house.
* Jeff's recital
* Driving around with Jeff and Owen around Fairfield and enjoying the good weather
* Trying to teach Owen the basic fundamentals of Jazz
* Smile Train 2005
* Owen and the hot sauce/french dressing filled evening at the diner after Smile Train
* Joe Liccardo's recital
* Music talks till semi-late in the evening/music listening party
* Ice cream before dinner just about every night basically (and then more desert after dinner)
* Gaining 5 lbs these past two weeks
* Going to New York and hitting up Tower Records with the largest CD collection ever (and watching Owen and myself spend close to 130 bucks within several minutes)

So, New York was just plain awesome. That Tower Records has the largest CD collection for classical music that I have ever seen in my entire life period. I also bought more sheet music at Zera's (like I need more, then again, listing out what I don't have made me realize how incomplete my piano music library is).

Smile Train 2005 seems to have been a huge success. Jeff and Owen played oustandingly well as did the rest of the acts. Despite a verbal spat with the Cello Choir director (that stupid dickhead), everything went as planned and people stayed till the bitter end of the concert. Last time I checked we had 980 bucks in cash and several checks from people coming in, let's cross our fingers that the donations were double from last year...I'm really hoping we raised a lot of money.

Joe's recital in New York was amazing. In a year or two he's going to be untouchable. THe product of good teaching...a true pianist at heart...just such good playing, you can't fault him anywhere really.

Owen and Jeff finally left this morning as well...which is sad, I was getting used to having them around...they're seriously the only 2 people coming out of Eastman (and George) that I will keep contact with...they're just really good friends and really good teachers...not to mention good inspiration for me.

On a side note, it's funny how things in life happen...at Smile Train I talked briefly with someone who hasn't talked to me for 2 months for reasons I won't go into...and while it was nice, it was weird...I was afraid there'd be a scene, but there wasn't one, so I thank that person for that. I walked away feeling semi-indifferent. Maybe one day I'd like to sit and talk to them about what hapenned but for now that day hasn't arrived yet. I have my own life that's opening up in front of me with some new things going for me for the summer at least that I'm looking forward too and frankly being bogged down by something like that just isn't my main interest. But I'm here willing to talk if you are, you know how to get in touch with me. And asides from a weird text message this morning that wasnt originaly intended for my eyes...I still feel indifferent.

Life is clicking in almost every way right now and I can't fault it honestly...expect to hear soon about songs being written with several people in possibly a band format and me writing up some places where you might be able to hear me and Steve perform some day later into the summer...maybe even record a demo for fun by the end of the summer? Who knows.

Anyways, bed time...practicing and working out starts up again really seriously tomorrow.

Small update...

2005-06-03T22:26:00.000-07:00

Been a while...much to tell...Jeff and Owen have been here for 1-2 weeks...and everything has been great. Smile Train 2005 was a huge success tonight thanks to Jeff and Owen and the other performers who made it possible. I will update tomorrow or Sunday at some point with a huge 2 week/concert review...I might have to divide it up into several entries.

All in all, probably the best 2 weeks ever this year...it was just so awesome.

la la la

2005-05-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

So Jeff comes on Tuesday, Owen comes on Saturday, I'm looking forward to it...I miss them, they definitely have become really good friends over the year.

In other events...got my first paycheck from work, which made me happy, now I can pay back my parents for the studio monitors...the song Steve and I were working on is so close to being done, though working on it may have to stop for a bit because of Jeff and Owen and Smile Train coming up relatively soon.

We also got a 9 foot piano for the smile train concert, which rockkkks, I can't wait to see it and play on it.

My luck in certain areas of life is just...non-existant, but it's okay...we keep going, we keep trying...just keep swimming, right?

Oh well, bed time, gotta practice a bit tomorrow and start helping out for the arrival of Jeff and Owen.

Star Wars Episode III

2005-05-19T07:57:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit. That was an incredible experience.

But now it's all over :(

Must see it again...incredible filming.

Vacation Update

2005-05-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

So vacation has been pretty good...catching up with friends is awesome and Steve and I have been hanging out basically every night till about 12/1am writing music, or at least trying to ;) We've almost finished one song which is turning out pretty nice and the vocal harmonies are very relaxing.

In other news, I'm employed (eek) and work is easy. I either pay bills, pick up the phone, scan files into a computer database, or file current files into their respective folders and then I get paid 10 bucks an hour. The hours are convenient - 1pm-5:30pm Mondays through Friday, so it's an easy 225 bucks or so a week...not terribly a lot, but more than I'd get working an 8.25/hour job at a supermarket ... and at least reading people's case files while filing is interesting...oh, and also spending 40 minutes hunting around the office for a missing case folder that isn't where it should be is also an exercise in creativity when you go "WHERE THE FUCK COULD IT BE!".

I also had my first goof at work...I put the popcorn in the microwave for 4 minutes and forgot to watch it. Figures. The one time I'm 100% alone in the office for 40 minutes, I almost burn the place down. Black smoke rose everywhere and I had a heart attack looking at the sprinklers and how I'd be officially in jail if those files in that office (over 3000+) got damaged. The office still smells like popcorn (5 days later) even though we've sprayed Lysol everywhere and had the windows open...and people just LOVE making comments...lol

Jeff comes next week Tuesday, which will be exciting...I can't wait to hear his recital...oo and Owen is also coming at the end of next week...I can't wait to see what happens...going to be an interesting time!

OOOO and Episode III comes out tomorrow...I CANNOT WAIT! I don't know if I'm excited at the fact it's another Star Wars movie or just that it's going to be the last one...and with "Everybody Loves Raymond" that just ended it's 9 season run on TV on Monday, this is going to be another sentimental closer *sniff* (no tears I promise). I just can't wait to see all the rumors as to how Anakin becomes Darth Vader actually become true (the stories we've all heard stem from the 1970s...it's finally going to be a visual reality).

Summer

2005-05-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

Ah, to be on a four month long summer break frankly feels so great!

So, it's been a while...in the past 10 days I've landed a job that pays 10 bucks an hour. I work from 1pm-5:30pm and just walk around filing stuff and answering phones at an attorney's office down Black Rock Turnpike, so that's very convenient and low key, though I sort of feel out of my element not doing something music...after all, that's all that I've been doing the past 9 months.

Let's see...the basement is all done, and we painted the jam room...I bought a pair of Alesis M1 Active MK2 studio monitors since my old speakers died *sniff*...I'll have to call logitech to replace the busted pair.

I set everything up so far in here, it's pretty sweet...I borrowed Kazu's mixer and a vocal microphone and steve and I for the past week have been up till 12 or 1am just working on this one song to get the structure down...and I've steadily been working on some lyrics for it, which are so far turning out very nice...I think I've started to get better at writing good lyrics and catchy hooks.

What else...in other news my grandmother from france and her cousin are here...so I've been sleeping in the basement, which is actually great...since it's redone, it's inviting and the fact that I don't have to make noise going up the stairs after keyboaring or being online down here, is an added bonus.

I saw everyone a few days ago, Lindsay, Becca, Bill, Will, and Steve...we went out to eat...previously I saw Frances the weekend before as soon as I got back...so that's good, I missed them so much...much needed catch up time with everyone this summer.

Hm...summer...what a great feeling that is...I got my grades back from school, straight As and 2 B+s, not bad at all...cumulative gpa of 3.73, which is making me happy..I'm gonna go for higher next semester, I need to do better, I know I can...

I'll have to call to see if the Kurzweil is fixed soon, it would be aweseom to have the Roland Fantom X8 and my Kurzweil K2600 XS setup...that way I can finally learn how to program them and make some funky sounds. I think the next thing I need to save up for is a mixer of my own and Protools (either mpowered or with the mbox, because it really is a good program).

What else do I have to report on...hm...I think starting next week I'm goign to spend 30 minutes a day learning how to play guitar (on a good guitar, nonetheless) and really start pushing myself pianistically...I started this week, but I'm still breaking myself in mentally, a lot of work to do...started the Bach and Beethoven, and they're challenging, but I love the pieces, so I can't wait to really sink into them...also 3 weeks till smile train and less than 20 days till owen and jeff get here...good times good times...and we are finally getting a bitching piano for Smile Train, which is great news...I think this concert should top last years by a lot, hopefully it will...I'll start posting posters everywhere downtown this weekend.

Anyways, that's all for now.

Repertoire

2005-05-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

So the projected repertoire so far has been chosen...this all could change (all or part of it) depending on how much I get done this summer and if he feels that I should change my focus on pieces...but thus far, Lenti and I have agreed to do the following:

Bach - Prelude and Fugue No.19 in A major (book 1)
Beethoven - Sonata in c minor Op.10, No.1
Chopin - Polonaise in c# minor Op.26, No.1
Debussy - Prelude No.5 "Les collines d'Anacapri"
Prelude No.6 "Des pas sur la neige"
Bartok - 6 Dances in Bulgarian Rhythm (from Mikrokosmos, Volume 6 I believe...)

Sounds like fun, I can't wait.

Martha Argerich

2005-05-02T06:09:00.001-07:00

So after a 6-7 hour car drive that started at 5:30am on Saturday, a few hours at my house, a train into New York City, and finally - looking for a decent place to eat before the concert - Jeff, Jordan, Ingrid and I saw Marth Argerich - legendary pianist - live.

Needless to say it was amazing. The whole concert was. The New York Philharmonic played very well and Rostropovich (the conductor and world famous cellist) has such an energy about him.

The concert:

Shostakovich - Festive Overture
Shostakovich - Piano Concert No.1
--Intermission--
Prokofiev - Piano Concerto No.1
Prokofiev - Symphony No.7

Martha Argerich's playing was stunning. Her dynamic range, freedom, expression - everything about her that you here on a studio recording is real. We were lucky tho, she has a reputation for cancelling her concerts last minute (she's so famous and high in demand that people don't care if she cancels, they'd still continually dish out money to see her again and again) - so since having this trip planned for several months now, we were lucky she didn't cancel out.

The concert was a success. It was just phenominal. What a way to end the year right?

We spent Sunday sleeping...had a nice quiet breakfast at my house, then hung around and slowly got ready to go. When we finally did leave we went downtown to Firehouse Deli and got sandwhiches and ate outside since it was beautiful out (I love Fairfield!) and then went to Timothy's IceCream place and had icecream (which always makes me happy), and finally got back on the road to Rochester.

I think it's official that really, after my keyboard exam and recorder class this afternoon...this year is basically over.

4 days till home.

Martha Argerich

2005-05-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

Classes are over!

2005-04-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

CLASSES ARE DONE!

Last theory class today. Trumpet Playing Final tonight --- NEW YORK TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!

I can't wait to be home...and then to come home again...it's finally ending...I don't know why...I just need to get outta here, but it's cool cause this weekend will be a blast and the concert should be amazing.

:) :) :)

more news

2005-04-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

Choosing repertoire is hard! And it's funny cause I'm choosing pieces I wasn't initially planning on choosing.

I got an A- on juries though, so I"m happy, and hopefully I will make progress this summer and practice ...especially with regular lessons.

*Sighs* the year is almost over...though I know when I get home I need to talk to on person in particular and straighten things out...I hate leaving things the way they are, it's never how I intended for things to happen...though who knows if she'll even pick up her phone or want to talk to me, probably hates my guts. oh well. i guess that's life, non?

anyways, the weekend is almost here...martha argerich and new york city here we come!

6 or so more days.

2005-04-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

6 or so more days till Martha Argerich. Till I can see my family, even for a short amount of time, although I know I'll be back 4 days after that for good for the summer.

I feel like I've been on a long "journey" since I've been here...one of those journies you don't want to end but at the same time you need to take a break from it...I've gotten used to being here and the people...but I'm ready to go home to my family, my friends, Fairfield, my comfort zone and just gather my senses again and start getting myself ready for another year here in about 4 or so months when I start my second year at Eastman.

I don't know, I just wanna go home and have the time to myself again that I lost here...the time to go and record a jam session with some friends...or to hang out with Steve again and act like children...to start being able to record/write songs in an environment where I can shut a door for a few hours and have my setup be hastle free (unlike in this dorm...)...to be able to see my Ballerina again and hold her close and tell her how much I've missed her...to see Becca again and thank her for everything she's done...to see Frances and pick her up and hold her in my arms tight because I really do miss her...to see Tom again cause I haven't really hung out with him for over a year now...to see Josh and Andrew and Dan because I rarely get to see them anyways and they are my friends...to hang out with other people in Fairfield I haven't seen for the better part of a year...to be able to go to Las Vetas and make up random songs about people walking in there and to start performing...I just really want go home (and dont take this as a whining journal entry, it's just more...I've done what I had to do this year, and I need to just take a break).

On a side note, this week is going to be slightly hectic, but I don't care...I just have some small assignments to keep track of, just need to finish everything off and make sure I've done everything I needed to do...I can't wait to find out how I did on juries and to get my new pieces...I think I'll make a list of pieces I want to learn at some point and put it together and let him pick and choose...I just hope I get certain pieces I want...like the Faure Nocturne, maybe some Schubert or the Haydn variations...I don't know...so much to play, so little time.

yay!

2005-04-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well the school year is essentially over. Having the juries out of the way has made me so happy - I actually just slept straight through the night last night...no tossing or turning or anything, I just slept. Now, it's time to get back on my diet and exercise like mad again.

The juries went well. I woke up a good 2 hours before, showered, dressed, ate a small breakfast, and went to the main building to warm up a bit. I got back to Ciminelli Lounge and I just sat and felt like throwing up, and my hands started shaking but I took deep breaths, yawned a few times and just got myself to calm down. By the time I was in there, I realized how relaxed the atmosphere was and how that was it...I just needed to play...so I did, and I think for the most part, things sounded really good...so I hope this means a good grade!

And, as soon as I find out my grade - NEW REPERTOIRE! weeee. I want something challenging...I actually want a lot - but a lot in the sense that it's enough that I can do a good job on it...I don't want to so much that everything will fall apart during the year because of the work I have.

Wow, so it feels good to have juries done. Really really good. Now, I just gotta worry about the finals...eeeeeek.

3 days

2005-04-17T19:56:00.000-07:00

Three days till juries and either it's not hit me yet or I'm just ready to get this over with. I think I really just want to play well enough that I don't embarass myself in front of the judges, then I want a small break, and then I want my new repertoire...though...I don't know what I want to play...I like so many pieces...maybe a chopin etude...possibly the pastoral sonata by beethoven...another bach prelude and fugue...haydn variations in f minor OR the faure variations in c# minor...or the faure nocturne in e flat minor...or the 8 poulenc nocturnes...so much music...and I want to become so much better than I am to play them...I can't wait to get the new repertoire, and to have some say in it....

I slept in today and that's going to happen more this week...I'm just ready to take the finals (and get trumpet over with and hopefully do well enough in it)...and just be done with it and go home...I love Eastman and being around Jeff, Dave, Owen, Bobby and the few other closer friends I have here...they've turned me onto so much good music and inspired me to become so much better and more motivated...but at some point when the pit in the dorm is the only place you hang out at night...it's time to go home...chicken tenders gets old folks...

And I forgot...

2005-04-15T22:20:00.000-07:00

Another thing I learned, crucially Tuesday nights was, that people can one day be your friend and the next day be completely disrespectful, rude, and over-reactive to a situation and then not talk to you...sometimes however, it's those times that show you who your real friends are, and I guess if you can't be my friend without being a friend for a month then not talking to me for several weeks because you overreacted to something, then I guess it means we have nothing anymore. It's sad, because I'll probably still try to regain what friendship we have left because I don't want to lose you completely, at the same time, after what you said to me...I don't know how easy it will be for me to come back and try to salvage a "friendship".

Weeeee.

2005-04-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

So, this week was dramatic. Let's just say though, that despite how dramatic I've learned a few things. The first is to not be afraid of talking to my parents about things that bother me, and once I finally did after a two hour long talk...I've been feeling a lot better about myself in many ways - especially as a musician and just as a person. I've been facing the week much better feeling lifted of this pressure of hiding something to them.

I also learned that people who were your best friends can be assholes. I didn't do anything wrong, yet I got bitched out like I had killed someone or what not. I don't feel I deserved it, but that's okay. If she doesn't want to tone up to her own problems and blame them on me, that's her own problem. Blaming it on me won't help herself in the long run. When you can talk to me again like someone who is mature and responsible and willing to talk about what hapenned without feeling the need to be a bitch or making me feel like absolute shit, you're welcome to it, until then, bye.

I also learned that hard work pays off a lot. I had two good lessons and I'm feeling fine about tomorrow's recital. I don't care if I fuck up, it doesn't matter anymore at this point to me. I also get to see Frances tomorrow, that makes me happy, it'll be a good day.

NO CLASSES NEXT WEEK! Amen to juries. No classes all week so we can practice. But I won't be doing much practice...just playing for enjoyment, I need to find joy in the pieces now that I've spent so much time. They're not perfect, but if I keep playing them often for fun, I will perfect them better than using repetition.

No classes means I can sleep in and not stress out, which is making me really happy. I'm actually going to bed now, sleeping for 9 hours because I haven't gotten that much sleep in well over several weeks, and the Sunday I ain't setting an alarm clock...so I will be sleeping in Sunday officially for the first time since possibly before spring break here. Amen.

Oh happy day.

2005-04-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

I had a good lesson. Lenti said, "Everything is fine". He didn't make fun of me, his only complaints were of very small details, and he said that basically for the most parts things are going fine. I'm happy.

oh man, it's Friday

2005-04-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

So now I can give more of a detailed update...I guess...not like it matters, just for me to list things so I can just get it out of me lol.

This week has been absolute absolute HELL.

Monday was okay...just the start of the long week...I had to practice several hours and just write up some observations and prepare for voice class. I also spent several hours just writing down the whole week's schedule and appointments I had to remember...oh, and also map out my schedule for next year.

Tuesday was a nightmare. I got up early and went to work out at the Y. Had musicianship class, then after musicianship I had to drive over to Greece, NY for an observation for Intro to Music Ed., then I had to run back here, eat, and then practice for my lesson...when I got to my lesson, it was cancelled, so I went back and practiced for another hour...then I met at Java's with Alex to work with her on our Piano Pedagogy project - which was the stupidest shit ever. After that I ran back to the dorms to get my stuff for trumpet class and choir and ran to get some dinner. I then ran up 7 flights of stairs to get to Trumpet Methods class, and then right back down those stairs to a three hour dress rehearsal.

I know theater people have like 4-5 hour rehearsals, but at least you all are doing something...at least any rehearsals for something asides a choir concert, people are doing something. For three hours we just stood in place, screaming over the orchestra, people getting their entrances wrong...I swear people cannot count to threee what issss thisss!!!! "1..2...SING...shit, 3, now sing"

Anyways, Wednesday was okay. Humanities, Theory, followed by working on some stuff and lunch till Intro to Music Ed. and Piano Pedagogy. Piano Ped. was a two hour mess. It's just pointless now. I was excited in the beginning but the course has slowly dwindled in credibality. I think that they just make piano performance majors take it because they spend four years practicing and music ed. majors spend four years practicing and getting teaching experience. I really think I don't need Piano Ped. 251 next semester...I can always ask other piano teachers how to start my own private studio later on in life...the rest I can handle, I can teach. That's why I'm here, and I will be able to teach when I get out of here, I don't need this 2 hour lecture on stupid method books published by Hal Leonard. Anyways, then right after that I didn't work out because I didn't have time, but I did do a shit load of homework and then ran to another three hour dress rehearsal which just took everything out of me.

Then, yesterday I worked out in the morning, went to Aural Skills (musicianship) and then after that came to my room and let myself chill out. Then I calmly did some work till 2 and went to School 17 to go and observe a group string class/lesson with Jordan...which was interesting, just to see how people deal with children in that environment, it definitely made me think a lot...about my own self as a student in a much better situation, and as a future teacher who might have to teach in a place like that...who knows. Then I skipped Gamelan and practiced part of the night away...and went to sleep.

Today is great just cause humanities is cancelled, I'm not going to theory, I'm getting a massage later today, AND gamelan was cancelled...so nothing till 7pm when we have our last choir concert.

I know it doesn't seem like a lot to anyone outside of the Eastman bubble, but preparing for concerts here is just hell - just because when we have dress rehearsals, work in school seems to pile up on those days, so you get out of dress rehearsal just drained physically and emotionally and just ready for bed. It's insane. Anyways, I'm done.

Almost done...

2005-04-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

Dress rehearsals are done...a break tomorrow night...concert...then a weekend...a weekend where some major relaxing, sleeping, and practicing will take place....some song writing...some emotional healing....and I'll be good...it's almost done.

Observation Hours

2005-04-04T16:56:00.000-07:00

So, the one time I leave one small requirement to be fulfilled at the very last minute - I find myself swimming to catch up.

So far, I've been really good about keeping on hand with schedules and homework, getting things done early, getting my sleep in, and adjusting to making decisions on my own without people on my back to get things done. I've done everything but 15 hours of observation which I said - well, 15 hours? That's not bad, you sit, you write, and you clock in your hours, if I leave till Spring it won't stress me out.

Wrong.

So in the past week I've managed to observe one piano class, a solo voice recital, and one early childhood music class.

This is how much more I have to go:

6-7 hours observation left for Intro To Music Ed
2 hours of observation for Trumpet Classs
1 hour for Piano Pedagogy

I think this week I'm getting in another 4 for Intro, and finishing off Piano Pedagogy, which leaves me with about 6 more next week and then I hit juries.

AHHHH.

Breathe

2005-04-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Just breathe. Count to 10. Count to 100. Breathe. It's going to be a long week, it'll be done in 5 days and then things will start to lax up a bit and relax.

Just breathe. All I have to do is breathe. Count to 10, focus myself, and try to have a good lesson on Tuesday. I just need to breathe and find a way to get through till the concert on Friday and I will be okay. I need to keep working out, I need to get back on track with my diet, and I need to take control of the pace at which things happen around me and make sure I get my work done in advance so as not to frustrate myself and stress out.

I just need to breathe. I need to push out this frustrations out of my head so they don't interfere with my work during the week. Just breathe.

Count to 10.

17 days

2005-04-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

The countdown has begun, 17 days till piano juries....and then a week from those -- NYC and Martha Argeritch!!

On a side note, whoever invented a 2am firedrill when daylight savings time kicked in needs a swift kick to the balls or to the face. Not only did we stand outside in about 30 degree weather while it was lightly raining, it lasted for over a half an hour. If there really was someone smoking in the stairwell and that's what caused it - that person needs to suffer.

That's all for now. It's time to work out after I take some DayQuil cause I feel like shit.

Boring...

2005-03-29T14:07:00.000-08:00

That's all I have to say about everything that comes out of me on the piano for the past..18 or so years...that's all that it is...and that's exactly what was revealed to me rather bluntly in my lesson...the only thing that needed to make an otherwise perfect day was a piece of paper with "Boring" written on it that you see when you turn your head at the end of the piece...why did I come here. Why did I accept. Why is it so much harder now?

Happy Easter

2005-03-27T20:57:00.000-08:00

First Easter I'm not home for in 18 years....kinda weird, it felt so different...no Easter egg hunt :(

It was weird...but the packages I got were packed with chocolate which is great!

I wrote two new songs this past weekend. Almost done with that second one...it was productive.

Good practicing weekend, three hours non stop Saturday and Sunday. My headache is still persisting and I'm going to get that checked out tomorrow.

The Chinadian (Owen) came running with us today! The sky is falling. I'm glad he's finally gonna work out, it's so good for you - especially to get stress off of your mind when it's been a long day. He's seeing the light now folks!

This is gonna be another long week...I need to push to get some observation hours in, I have 12 hours to go...if I can get about 6 in during this week or just a chunk in general done by next Monday I will be a happy camper.

Watching a Dream Theater DVD bootleg of a show they did in New Mexico - amazing! James hits all the notes in Learning to Live, which made my night as well.

Anyways, bed time. I'm missing Theory and Humanities tomorrow to sleep and go to the nurse's office and get myself checked out ;) - according to sites online this headache can be from lack of sleep, stress, depression, or too much headache medicine.

I don't take pills, I'm not particularly stressed - well maybe a little, I get 7-8 hours of sleep a night...and I'm not sure that I'm depressed right now, I'm sorta hyper and happy...who knows, we'll find out tomorrow. And by we, I mean me.

Amazing Night

2005-03-25T20:53:00.000-08:00

So most amazing nights in college I guess are the drunken stupor nights, but not at Eastman! For me, an amazing night is described by an amazing recital or watching a movie with people.

Tonight I went with Jeff and Jordan to R.I.T. to hear one of the Eastman Faculty pianists, Nelita True perform a solo recital.

Schumann - Romance in F# Major, Op.28, No.2
Beethoven - Sonata in C Major, Op.2, No.3
Chopin - Scherzo in B Flat Minor, Op.31

--Intermission--

Haydn - Sonata in D Major, Hob.37
Faure - Impromptu in E flat major, Op.25
- Improvisation from Pieces Breves, Op.84
- Impromptu in A flat major, Op.34
Poulenc - Improvisation No.13 in A minor
- Toccata

Encores:

Chopin Mazurka
Chopin Waltz

*I forgot which keys the encores were in...*

Anyways, it was simply a great program, and just so tastefully performed. Beautiful tone and she made it look so effortless. It was really probably the best piano recital I've been to - possible ever? I don't know how well I can say that, but it definitely is one of the best.

Almost Friday....

2005-03-24T19:48:00.000-08:00

Title says it all.

Today was a great day...contrary to 2 continuous weeks willed with shitness in them, today was a great day. I didn't do any homework (it's all done woohoo).

I also did my laundry, all of it. I came down too late but someone had folded 3/4 of it in the process of making room the dryers. In case you don't know, if you don't take your shit out in time someone takes it out for you and usually throws it on the floor. I got lucky I guess today. Thank you laundry fairy.

I have about 4 hours of down time in which I listened to music, put stuff away, organized myself, and spent an hour and a half writing out 90% of a song. I have the lyrics, the piano part - all I'm missing is a verse and hte ability to create a drum beat, but I'll record the song first then I guess. I'm really excited, this song is definitely more different (is that right?) than anything I've written. Perhaps my best? Who knows.

Bed time. I'm tired.

You're behind...

2005-03-22T13:06:00.000-08:00

"Listen...your scales and arpeggios are improving...but...your left hand is still messing you up in areas that should be easy for you...you have good hands and a good way of executing things, but you're still a bit behind in where you could be at...your hands have been neglected for a little too long prior to you coming here and you just need to spend even more time concentrating and fixing up those things..."

"I think that you need to do something in this part...you write 'change character' next to this section - but you don't do it...if you need to change it, change it - even if it means that I don't agree with it, at least do it so it shows that you know you have to change something about the melody or something in that section...if you change it and I don't particularly agree with it, it doesnt' matter, but you have to make it heard and you have to do something with the music...it's getting better but you're not quite there yet..."

"You know you shouldn't worry too much about it...you'll get there sooner or later...it's funny, when I was 14 and I heard a recital at the community music school back then, a girl played a Mozart Sonata and had a really awful time with the ending...she played it really well, but the ending just died because she got nervous or something...anyways, the teacher asked me what I thought of it, and I pointed out the obvious - that there was a problem with the ending and she turned to me and goes "Oh of course there was a problem! But, she'll play really well someday!" So don't worry..."someday you'll play well" - you may do a carnegie hall debut at 87 and they'll go "jeez, those are the same pieces he's been playing for 70 years, he finally got it and can move on"...don't worry someday you'll play well."

"You're painting this fugue in a lovely shade of gray."

"This Prelude suffers from one shade of gray...to another shade of gray...and then..another shade of gray."

- Vincent Lenti (aka my piano teacher)

Just when I thought that maybe today would be an entirely good day. Fuck it.

General Observation

2005-03-21T20:15:00.001-08:00

Isn't it funny how you think "oh college, all the time in the world, no parents, awesome"?

For me, I've noticed it's been the opposite. Yeah, I have a bit of free time in a lot of cases, but that only comes if I work my ass off to stay a week ahead of a lot of classes so I have a few days closer to the weekend where I can go "shit I'm done, I can chill out".

It's weird cause when I have that time, I don't want to read, even though I want to, I don't want to write songs, even though I really feel the need to and the desire to create....I just sit online, talking, and I can't pull myself away because it's just always been this thing with me to feel the need to ALWAYS be on. I dont' understand it? what is it?

I mean, I don't even play video games. Now, I don't party. I practice 2-4 hours on any given day depending the mood I'm in. I work out an hour a day, and I do my homework relatively focused and do an assignment or two four days before it's due so the night before I'm not freaking out.

I constantly babble about "when I make it big, I have what it takes" but sometimes I doubt it. I doubt Elton John ever relaxed, or maybe he did, but only when he could...if he wanted to write a song he did it, he locked himself into a mental state where if he had free time, he wrote a song and that was it, he didn't waste time.

Even now I'm wasting time and I don't understand why. Even on weekends when I have 7 hours before I have to go out to dinner or hang out with people I don't take the chance to write a song, or play with my keyboard that is sitting there almost in non-use unless I need to do a theory or aural dictation assignment to check my work.

I don't know, and again I'm babbling...I just noticed that everytime I have free time I spend it on AIM when I could be doing things...I could play a video game, read a book, hang out outside and chill out, or write a song on my keyboard and work at it...I have the tools, I know the theory, I'm pretty creative when needed to be and if I work at lyrics hard enough I know I can come up with something...why is it not hapenning? I don't know.

I guarantee that in May and throughout the summer there will be periods of locking myself in the basement to record and not leave till I have one or two songs fully done and recorded...I can't wait to have that kind of time...

General Observation

2005-03-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

6am...

2005-03-19T03:24:00.000-08:00

So it's 6am..well, 6:30am..I drove Jordan to the airport, his grandfather passed away a few days ago and he was flying back for the funeral, I did him a favor..

I was thinking when I was driving home while looking around at Rochester, completely empty and quiet. I was thinking and drinking my mocha latte which is somehow going to wake me up today...that...damn I forgot.

So last weekend I had to say something to a close friend of mine that probably shocked her...probably didn't expect me to pull out a white flag and give up on something, but I did...and I told her matter of factly...and now I still have one other person to talk to before I back out of things...it just goes nowhere you know? You think you have finally...lemme rephrase...there comes a point where you just wish that the things you did around someone had an effect...and mine have had an effect, except it's empty because...not empty because I care a lot for her, but empty in the sense that its returned but with restrictions that made no sense..I'm being vague again.

I know some people read this (sorry for those who do, I know I'm mentally distressed)...I just wanted to...damn it it's early >.<

I've just been thinking a lot this week and looking at things I do and say and how I act and going - what's the point? Why do I keep trying with certain people...I'm only hurting myself by letting myself think someone is accepting me into their life but at the same time sort of rejecting...I don't think they know or if they do they just don't want to tell me anything...

It sort of felt weird the other night when I left Fairfield. We all ended up chilling at Borders and something hapenned that sort of unsettled me ... a lot actually ... I still don't understand it...whatever, story of my life. Not being able to understand anything.

Alright....time to go and practice...or shower - then practice and yes I know it's almost 7am...I'm awake, might as well.

Vacation

2005-03-14T19:44:00.000-08:00

So the massive update.

Vacation in short was 8 observation hours, emptying out an entire basement, trying to practice and get something accomplished, lots of jamming, driving around, music listening, relaxation, and no watching my diet.

The outcome?

In two weeks I lost 5.6 lbs. So when I started Weight Watchers about a month and a half ago (maybe a little over that), I weighed 201.4lbs. Today I weigh 189.4 -- go me!

Las Vetas kicked ass. They liked the piano duet a lot. Steve and I just finished the night cause nobody else was playing and we just made up songs about random people in there.

I spent a lot of time doing teaching observations. Lots of driving and sitting for 8 hours total, which is good cause I'll finish them up by end of March if I can get my act together.

We emptied our basement out COMPLETELY - if you've seen our basement, you'll understand that being told we had 4 days to empty that out completely was daunting, but we did it. I can't wait till it gets redone.

I got to see Steve a lot and Frances, and hung out with a bunch of people during the week. It was a good time.

Now it's time for a 5 week crunch till Jury Week and I'm home free...let's go, I'm ready.

Las Vetas

2005-03-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'll do a big vacation update when I'm back at Eastman, but this entry will have to do...

Tomorrow night, Steve and I will be doing an "acoustic set"...it's not really a set, but I feel cooler and happier and awesomer (I know it's not a word) by calling this a "show" and what we're doing a "short set".

So the "setlist" for tomorrow night at 8pm at Las Vetas is:

1) Uncried Tears (Stephen Baez)
2) Hourglass (Liquid Tension Experiment)
3) Piano Duet Improv.

It's gonna rock cause...well its just gonna. Steve and I have never played together but we know each other pretty well style wise...he's playing guitar for the two opening songs and I'm hashing out the piano part. "Hourglass" is a guitar/piano duet that is really pretty and just slow and calm that was written by Jordan Rudess and John Petrucci. Steve and I learned it this afternoon in a few hours so we're gonna give it a shot, nothing to lose right?

The piano improv we've basically agreed on a key and some form of progression but after that it's up to the two of us. Uncried Tears is a song that he wrote and I'm just adding a piano part to it for the hell of it...it's gonna rock.

So anyways, first show:

Las Vetas 8pm

1) Uncried Tears (Stephen Baez)
2) Hourglass (Liquid Tension Experiment)
3) Piano Duet Improv.

wtf

2005-03-02T14:09:00.000-08:00

I love how humanities has been cancelled for four days now, and then I slept in today too much, rushed to get to class late, and got there and it was cancelled..fuck it I ain't going on Friday! need my sleep.

on another note - midterms sucked, though only trumpet...i've rocked the other ones.

Another update!

2005-02-28T21:38:00.000-08:00

Wow, three in one day. I must have too much free time.

This blog entry is to appologize to people I may have cut off in the past two years, or neglected. To people that I've randomly gotten pissed at, said harsh things to - in short been an asshole too a lot this past year, especialy lately.

I'm sorry. This isn't who I am and I'm trying to go back to who I used to be. I don't like being like this, and I want you to know that I'm sorry for being such a fuck up...I promise to change and make things better.

That is all. Bed time.

Big Realization

2005-02-28T13:06:00.000-08:00

What a cloud I've been hiding behind for such a long time...I didn't even realize it when it just hit me about a few minutes ago before this post...why did I let that control me, why did I let it cut off certain friendships, change who I was/am, why did I sacrifice myself all the time rather than sometimes risk a little a tension or risk anything...why did I do that to myself for that period of time and even until now...wow.

Spring Break

2005-02-28T12:48:00.000-08:00

GOD I CAN'T WAIT TILL SPRING BREAK!

Jesus. I can't wait till this summer. Till I'm earning money, till I can buy some good speakers for my room next year, till I have free time to record. Till I can buy a microphone. Till I can start taking some voice lessons. God I cannot wait till spring break and this summer.

I just need it. I just need to go sit at the beach with my notebook and write whatever comes out. I need a good cry. I seriously haven't had a good cry or healthy mental break down - yes I said healthy, a mental breakdown once in a while is good for you - I just need one. And I can't have one here at ESM just because it's such a tight environment and there is no privacy ANYWHERE from ANYTHING.

I just can't wait till spring break. I don't care if there is a foot of snow in Rochester and a Noreaster down in NYC and CT, I'm driving home as soon as I get out of class Friday morning and getting my ass home fast.

Confusion

2005-02-27T11:30:00.000-08:00

Things. People. Music. Life.

It's so confusing isn't it? The days you're ready to move on it seems like the rest of the world move on with you, and the days you weren't ready, the world was in full swing.

But then, you are ready. The planets are lined up, here I come, I'm ready -- but the world isn't, so it's, what back to square one? I'm to sit here twiddling my thumbs waiting. I feel like a puppet, on the end of someone else's strings, and when I'm finally ready to move around, the strings don't follow my movement, they keep me frozen.

It seems to be hapenning in everything I do now. It's confusing, I just don't get it. I could analyze everything for several years, everything that I've had happen to me in the past year, I could go frame by frame and still not understand it all.

I don't know. Why is that when I'm ready to move on, when I've more or less healed from past wounds, why is it that nothing wants to ever move forward? Why does everything seem to regress backwards somehow?

AHHH UPDATE

2005-02-22T21:32:00.000-08:00

Two weeks of good lessons yay...a semi good recital yay...more drama at Eastman? not so yay but it's getting resolved. so...yay.

I've been starting to realize something is wrong with me but I can't figure it out...I mean, I've known for a while but I guess it hit me when I was thinking things over...I can't help thinking something is constantly wrong with me and every decision I make. I can't even fall asleep on my own anymore...either I have to exhaust myself and go to bed really late or find some alternative to sleeping soundly...that's worrying...when you can't fall asleep on your own, that's not the best thing in the world.

I can't wait for spring break, maybe I'll fix myself then. Somehow. I don't know. Argh. I just find that I keep myself busy to the point where I can't think about things...which is probably good that way I don't fall back in school, at the same time though, the second I can think about things I usually just wallow in it...two weekends now that I say I'll set time to play my keyboard and write music....two weekends now that I have that time and waste it by sitting and thinking and not letting my emotions out into a song or something...*sighs*

Something is defintely wrong...I'm losing control. I've had control over myself and situations since August now - well mostly, I've had control, at least in the way I deal with things...just sometimes I feel like I'm slipping...or worse so, that I want to slip and give in but I can't. I won't let myself, I need to stay in control, whether or not something is wrong with me. I don't know. Argh.

Another Day

2005-02-19T21:43:00.000-08:00

Maybe the song fitting my mood today...it's beautiful....it's not about what you may think, but for some reason it's hitting my emotional bone today ...and this whole past week...and in general...

Live another day
Climb a little higher
Find another reason to stay
Ashes in your hands
Mercy in your eyes
If you're searching for a silent sky...

You won't find it here
Look another way
You won't find it here
So die another day

The coldness of this words
The message in his silence,
"Face the candle to the wind..."
This distance in my voice
Isn't leaving you a choice
So if you're looking for a time to run away...

You won't find it here
Look another way
You won't find it here
So try another day

They took pictures of our dreams
Ran to hide behind the stairs
And said maybe when it's right for you, they'll fall
But if they don't come down
Resist the need to pull them in
And throw them away
Better to save the mystery
Than surrender to the secret

You won't find it here
Look another way
You won't find it here
So try another day

Lyric time

2005-02-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

So ...I was lisetning to "Images and Words", Dream Theater's second album..1993 release...probably their best song writing to date...I was listening to "wait for sleep" which was the first song of theirs I learned with my friend Steve...all by ear, we got pretty close...I love the lyrics... here:

Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory
will leave her spirit soon

She shuts the doors and lights
And lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are
running deep
She has too much pride to pull
the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep

She stares at the ceiling
And tries not to think
And pictures the chains
She's been trying to link again
But the feeling is gone
And water can't cover her
memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take
breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame

In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here, lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled in my heart
And the heart of the world

what a weekend!

2005-02-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

So George came up and auditioned at Eastman this week. HE stayed from Thursday - Sunday and it kicked ass. FIRST VISITOR! It was awesome. He met everyone, went to a violin studio class...etc, we had a great time. George rocks.

The RPO / ERC concert kicked ass, we really did a good job for us. We had a pretty packed audience on the second night and a huge standing ovation. The piece really grows on you when you sing with full on orchestra. And I can fit in my tux very comfortably now, which means I've lost weight in three weeks which makes me happy.

Practicing has been slowly getting better...my parents came up this weekend and brought up the keyboard: Roland Fantom X8....it's the shit, I can't wait to start writing music again.

It was nice to see my family this weekend, I really do miss them...I miss my friends too...I can't wait to get back home for vacation...can't waaiiiiitttt.

Smile Train details were finalized a week or so ago, plane tickets are bieng ordered this week...it's coming together.

It's been a nice weekend...got some practicing in, working out, eating better, feeling better, got to see George and my family...good concert, pretty good studio class...great friends, good time...missing someone...a hell of a lot...tu me manques..

Smile...

2005-02-08T21:39:00.000-08:00

When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
Sometimes, with you, is the only place I wanna be
When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
Sometimes the best escape from everything, is when you look at me....

I hate Mozart.

2005-02-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

I hate bad piano lessons, but Mozart is the root of my of my problems

4 piano lessons in a row now that I've walked out feeling completely embarassed to call myself an Eastman student. Why the hell am I here? Why didn't I just go to an easier school?

What am I not doing? I do everything he asks me and I can't play my pieces for shit. Juries are in 2 months. I'm fucked with a capital FUCK.

I feel like such an ool. (inside joke).

I just don't understand why I can't put things together for piano anymore like I was able to most of last semester. He seemingly got really frustrated with me today and I'm just so embarassed. Why do I bother? Nothing is working.

*pulls hair out*

I need to go workout before I do something stupid.

Good Old Fairfield

2005-02-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

I went home this past weekend for three days to see my brother's choice concert, to visit some friends, and to also just take some time off from Eastman and get some sleep back and such.

I saw Steve/Kazu/Will/Lindsay Wood/Kacey Friday night...we jammed at Kazu's then watched Alice in Wonderland and hung out afterwards...

Saturday night the FCCC concert was amazing...Ivan Rutherford sang a set from Les Mis, which was amazing (he was the original male lead in Les Mis on broadway).

I went out afterwards to Frances' and watched Dirty Dancing Havanah Nights. I miss her. We had a good time, too bad I had an early curfew, I would have hung out longer, but seeing as I got in at like 3am the previous night, my parents set my curfew at like 1ish am which totally sucked because I really didnt want to leave.

I got my new keyboard today. It's been decided: Roland Fantom X8...comes up next weekend when my parents come for my concert.

I think I can face another several weeks here now that I was home...it was relaxing, just what I needed. I really want to go back though...I miss so much over there...so many things...

Martha Argerich

2005-02-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

It is also official as of two nights ago that Jeff and Ingrid (Jeff's gf) and I will be seeing Martha Argerich perform with the New York Philharmonic in New York City in an AMAZING concert on April 30, 2005.

Martha Argerich is a world reknown absolutely incredible omfg amazing pianist who is getting old and Jeff and I decided we REALLY have to see her before we regret it.

This is the program for the evening:

Shostakovich - Festive Overture
Shostakovich - Piano Concerto No.1
Prokofiev - Piano Concerto No.1
Prokofiev - Symphony No.7

A DOUBLE concerto evening, I think I just might die from the excitement. I just hope she doesn't cancel. She's notorious for cancelling concerts at the last minute. Then again, she's Argerich, and she just can cause she's that good. If she doesn't cancel, it'll be mind blowing. If she does, it'll still be great cause it's NYCP and a GREAT orchestra. So it should be an awesome weekend in NYC, right at the tail end of the year which should be nice :)

WOW nearly a month

2005-02-02T17:52:00.000-08:00

Shit, it's been a while. Here's an update for people who read this shit.

Where to start. Oh, I'm getting the Roland Fantom X8. Nothing says I can't get a Triton Extreme 61 or other keyboards later one...the X8 has the best touch, the best piano sound and is relatively a great keyboard to start with. I have officially fallen in love.

So, it's been crazy. Nearly, what, two weeks since the last update? Yeah, been running around.

3 SHITTY piano lessons in about 3 weeks time. That's a record. I had like one bad piano lesson last semester, now I have four total, which is starting to piss me off. I KNOW the notes, I KNOW the pieces, I practice 2.5 - 3 hours a day, I'm not slacking off. Why won't it click? I just want to be good. I don't want to be "just music education"...I want to be a good piano player, a good musician. Guess things are always harder than they look. I go home this weekend so that might fix stuff...I'll get some sleep, relax and practice on my own time without fighting over the piano with anybody.

I've started a diet...watching what I'm eating thanks to Weight Watchers...no I don't go to meetings or ration myself on food...I'm on the food point system...I have 24 points about a day to eat, and each food has a set number value. I make better choices, I eat less and add in an hour or so of exercise everyday, and you've got yourself a good combination. If I can lose a nice amount of weight by this summer I'm going to be sooo happy. I hate being fat, I hate being physically unattractive and embarassed everytime I take my shirt off in front of anybody. It's ridiculous, it's time for a chance, and I have to do it now.

With that said, I never realized how hard it would be to STICK with it. I mean, it's so tough to look at food and go "alright, that slice of whole wheat bread is 1 point, that egg in my salad is 2 points, that piece of chicken is 4 points, that cup of pasta is 4 points, that chocolate chip cookie is 4 points, that sandwich is 6 points..." it's so tough. But, you get used to it. Once you memorize a bunch without realizing your eating habit stabilizes. I have a salad + piece of chicken for lunch usually. I've figured out what I can eat for breakfast without going overboard, and then I can have a very enjoyable dinner...I just need to look up more values for food so I can expand my range in terms of what I choose to eat at the DC or Dim Sum or CenterStage Cafe.

I've been working out everyday for about 12 days straight now...which for me, to set that time out of my day, it's tough, but I force myself to do it. I'm going to get in shape, I'm going to hopefully start capoeira again after next week hopefully if I can get back into it, and I will do it and stick with it as long as I don't damage my shoulders again. I'm going to lose this weight.

Enough of that:

My classes are going very well. Humanities is weird, it's a huge philosophy discussion which is so easy to fall asleep to at 8:30am. Theory is easy as always, our teacher is seriously affected by an acute case of ADD but she's great. Aural skills is easy, our TA is awesome. Intro to MUE is okay...we just have a diff. music educator come in each week and talk to us about something. Today we had an interactive lecture on Orff teaching techniques, which focuses on teaching little kids using mallet instruments like xylophones to get them to understand basic tonality...etc. It's a system that makes kids able to learn how to play an instrument quickly and boost their self worth and accomplishment.

Piano Pedagogy is a BLAST, and Voice Class is okay, we just sing (dur) I wished it focused more on the teaching aspect. ERC is long but better than Rep Screamers *singers, sorry...and Gamelan is relaxing and not involving much effort.

I've started realizing in order to be less stressed I need to do homework as I get it, not leave it for the weekend and to stay at least one day ahead of everything so the night before I'm not freaking out.

Piano lessons are going horrible as I said...I have to practice more...it's tough.

Things socially have been up and down. I've finally realized who my niche of friends will probably be all through Eastman and possibly till who knows when...Jeff, Jordan, Dave, Owen, John Andrew (cool kid, new guy that I started hanging out with)...we're basically our own party and there is never a dull moment. One of my friends back home hasn't talked to me in a good 2 weeks...I guess I've finally realized what my friendship must mean to her...you know there isn't anything quite like the feeling of trying to help someone and have them go back on their promises, lie to your face...whatever, I'm really done, I can't believe I fell for it again on break. It's that kind of stuff that pisses you off to no end but you have to let it go. I'm letting go.

I miss my other little group of friends back home. I miss Steve, I miss Becca, jamming with Kazu/Steve/Will the few times I've done it...I miss George and Ryan and everyone I still know at the high school. I miss Lindsay Wood, and Kacey, and all those people I consistently hang out with...and then I really miss Frances and Lindsay aka ballerina...ah but such is life. At least I get to see a few people this weekend and then George comes up NEXT weekend for his audition here *crosses fingers*.

WOW, huge update. I'm done. Maybe for one entry.

It's Been A While...

2005-01-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

So it's been many days since I've last posted...I don't even know why I say that lol...not many people really read this...it's more for me than anything...

Snowed a shit load in Rochester...like 18 inches...and today it was the first day since I last posted really that it's been above 0 degrees F with windchill...so yay! shorts weather.

My Kurzweil fell off the stand while I tried fixing it on Saturday morning and is completely totaled. I'm now in the market for a new solution :-\ It's really sad, I would rather not, and it's my own stupidity that it fell...so here are my options:

Roland Fantom X8 (88 Key Version)
or
Korg Triton Extreme (88 Key Version)
or
Alesis Ion + Fantom XR (Rack version of the X8) + Studiologic SL990 or SL880 Pro
or
Yamaha P80 (or P90) + Roland Fantom X7 or Korg Triton Extreme

????

They all come out to the same total amount of money...it's just up to make up my mind...

My dad has basically said that that a heavy keyboard in my room is more problems than needed especially for moving it around...but I really am not particularly fond of the other options available...the Alesis/Rack/Studiologic Controller IS a viable option but I don't want to get frustrated again with the hastle of soft synths and all that midi shit...at least, I'd rather get a setup like that within the next year and leave the bigger keyboard at home...but for now I think I might go X8 cause the touch and piano sounds are extraordinary and it's an amazing board...it seems to do more than the Extreme (the Extreme is basically lots of beats and shit, and I'm not 100% into that)...but we'll see, I'll spend an hour or two at guitar center playing on everything and seeing how I like things.

I'm officially now keeping a strict track of my calorie intake during the day...Yeah, I signed up for weightwatchers online...just so I force myself to plug in what I eat and restrict myself to a Points diet (24 points a day, which is good cause it forces you to cut down on the crap and make good choices, and it actually isnt that bad...I'm still eating food I like, just less of it and making wiser choices...because like a bag of chips is almost 7-10 points depending on what you get, which is almost a third of what you're allowed to consume during the day)...plus you can calculate exercise points, and since I work out everyday it will show me how much out of what I'm eating I'm actually burning based on the exercises I do...which is a great thing...I'll have to up it on the exercise.

For some reason I can't get back into practicing as efficiently as I used to...I don't know, maybe another shitty lesson will kick me in the ass a bit...

Oh and I'm learning Trumpet and Guitar now, which is gonna be tough cause I can't just BS it like I did for clarinet...cause I don't know how to play them...so this semester is going to be a lot of work...

That's all for now. Bye.

SNOW!!

2005-01-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

First big snow in Rochester...total accumulation by tomorrow morning: 10"-18" of snow.

YAY!

Well, not really, I was standing on the street and a bus passed and I got slush shit all over me but who cares. It's finally snowing. I love snow, it may be cold but it is pretty depending on where you look in Rochester, some places haven't been touched by civilazation (i.e. snow plows) so it's still white and really beautiful.

Mm...practiced for like 3 hours again today on a 9 foot Steinway Grand which was awesome...I've fallen in love with the piano...has a great big sound to it.

Got three new Elton John cds two nights ago...at like 4.50 a piece, which is great cause I'm missing them...and they're amazing cds..."Songs From The West Coast", "Victim of Love" and "Made In England". Happy happy. Good music...new inspiration.

The song I recorded has been practically a success amongst the people I showed it to...I was offered some suggestions lyrics wise and things I can do that might help fix it to make it even better, but at least I have a lot of stuff to work with now.

Owen and I went to downgrade meal plans at UofR and it was an adventure....nothing like it being so slippery that your brakes don't respond well and you almost slam into the car directly in front of you...then the snow was so slippery and it's soooo cold and we were running and screaming to the Dining Service plan changing hall thingy that was like 15 minutes from my car in about already 5 -7 inches of snow on the ground, and Owen kept running and sliding on the snow - I'm just waiting till the day he falls haha, a good laugh will be had by all.

I'm in a particularly happy mood...some success today in practicing and that was good...I think I need to make efforts to practice durign morning hours as much as I can just because I feel better and I feel good practicing that early and I feel motivated...I get more work done that way.

Feels good to be back here...I can't wait till my piano lesson on Tuesday...first one in about a month (wow) so it's much needed because, as productive as I can be right now while I practice, sometimes you need a good swift kick in the arse from your piano teacher to set you down the right path again.

Anyways, that is all...off to fix my keyboard.

And three days till Korg reveals the new monstrosity of a keyboard to enter the musical world at NAMM 2005.

Slightly Big Update

2005-01-15T20:09:00.000-08:00

Alright, week 1 of semester 2 is officially over. Here is the courseload this time around:

Music Theory 102
Musicianship 162
Humanities 102: Science, God, and Human Freedom
Piano Pedagogy
Classroom Instruments: Guitar/Recorder
Trumpet Methods Class
Intro To Music Education 111
Voice Class II
Eastman-Rochester Chorus
Gamelan Ensemble

So far it seems like it's gonna be a fairly challenging semester...I'm trying to get my piano teacher to push me much harder, I really want to get better. I go to Jeff and Owen's studio class every Friday - it's a huge learning experience, they have an amazing teacher and studio. Good motivation to practice more diligently and more productively (is that even a word?)

Course load is minimal right now...by that I mean, not a substantial amount of work yet, but that will change I can guarantee that much. Right now I'm looking around to find a way as to how I can fit a job into my schedule...I can probably work Mondays, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday....which would be nice...maybe at Guitar Center or something, I'll have to inquire later on this week if I decide to go there...I was thinkinga bout that for this summer...get paid for doing something you like, learn, and also get huge discounts on gear...might as well?

The classes will be challenging...I can only assume, since theory is all new material, musicianship is getting slightly more in depth in requirements for tonal memory...trumpet and guitar are easy, I'm pretty quick at picking up the basics of a new instrument...voice class will be no trouble...Piano Pedagogy and Humanities will be a lot of work...lots of papers to write up, repertoire lists to "know" and many different things..

Went out with the gang tonight...the "gang" is Dave, Owen, Jeff, Jordan and I...went to the mall, Biaggi's, it was nice...ATM machines didnt work >.< which totally sucked...got a mattress pad so my back doesn't die within the end of the semester...

I miss home...I miss my Ballerina, and I miss Frances, I miss my other friends, I miss Steve and jamming, and I miss my family...*sighs* bite your lip and keep moving I guess....

Trying to stay happy...I think changing my eating habits and working out everyday like I have been has been a plus in my life...will continue...the more salad and healthy food I eat out of the Dining Center the better I feel...hopefully we'll get more sunshine like this week and that will be really nice...

Random mind blurb...

2005-01-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

I was about to IM someone and this came out...posting it here so I don't lose it...

Where do you run?
Why do you hide?
Why do the shadows chase you,
and create rain to cover your eyes

And when you're all alone
Don't you sometimes wish for sunshine
To light up the corner of the room where you're sitting in
And help you look up again?

Often times it seems we find
We run for so long without knowing why
We constantly try to beat to a different drum
And one day forget what we were running from

Eastman Part II

2005-01-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

Long car drive.

Back at Eastman.

I miss home.

Classes started. Quiz on Wednesday, Lesson Wednesday, still not ready.

Recital went better than expected. My friends are awesome, they showed up and listened just for my one song.

I am tired.

Will update with more details later.

Last Day of Vacation

2005-01-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

My last day of vacation. Last day in Fairfield. And while some people are ready to go back - I'm not. Yes I miss Eastman, yes I want to be at summer with nice weather. No, I'm not ready. Some people have had decent vacations, some have had shitty ones, some want to escape home, I want to embrace it.

I love Fairfield. I don't know why - maybe it's those nights you have nothing to do but stand in a parking lot with five people and talk till one person decides they are too cold and they want to leave...maybe it's the nights you all watch movies or just go to a diner at 12 because it's late and there's nothing to do. I don't know.

I have had an amazing vacation...I've been happy...I'm not ready to go.

And I have a recital at 3pm that is looming in the back of my head.

I don't want to go back to school just yet...I'm not ready.

Small update

2005-01-07T13:49:00.000-08:00

So three days till school...recording my first song tomorrow morning at Kazu Studios on High Street (haha) and hopefully it will come out sounding at least half decent...but I'm excited...new look for the blog...new glasses...new lease on life if you will...I'm happy.

I need a notebook

2005-01-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

NOTEBOOK! NOW! GIVE ME! I need a plain one so people judge it by its cover and then when they open it up...to them let it be a surprise...

Anyways, I just wrote this before going to bed...partially tied with something semi personal but it passed the "Make Michele Melt Test" (haha) and so it goes up for people to see...here goes:

Si javais
If I had one breath
one chance

Si je pouvais
If I could tell you
one thing
Une chose

Ma vie
My life
is different

Merci pour
Thank you for changing
me
moi
you
toi
ensemble

together

Si javais
one chance
one wish

Nous
Us.

New Song

2005-01-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

I don't have a working title, and I might change the lyrics a tad, but I'm not totally sure. For now, this is the first thing I've written (and completed for that matter, since August). I have piano for it and I'm considering recording it with vocals this week...anyways here it goes:

Yesterday the world seemed so gray
At least, till you walked in
Today all my troubles seemed to have gone away
But only cause you walked in

And there's something about you I can't explain
Something about you that seems to ease the pain
And there's something about you I can't explain
But I know this -

When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
Sometimes, with you, is the only place I wanna be
When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
The best escape from everything
Is when you look at me

I may not have the greatest voice
I may not sing on key all the time
But I think I fell in love with your brown eyes
And how they let me know I'm still alive

And there's something about you I can't explain
Something about you that seems to ease the pain
And there's something about you I can't explain
But I know this -

When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
Sometimes, with you, is the only place I wanna be
When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
The best escape from everything
Is when you look at me

When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
Sometimes, with you, is the only place I wanna be
When I'm with you I smile
When I'm with you I'm free
The best escape from everything
Is when you look at me

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T17:03:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to anyone who reads this thing. I think I only write in here because it's an easy way to keep a journal and my hands cramp up while writing things out a lot now (precious piano hands right? lol).

I had a really good New Years...a bunch of us went to Frances' house for a New Years "party"...more so just a lot of her family and her and Karin's friends and then me, Lindsay, Bill, Will and Becca all hanging out and joking around till very late. I slept over and Frances and I ended up being the only two awake in the house talking and stuff till about 6:30am.

I started the New Year on a happy note. I am happy. I have had a few realizations in the past 24 hours about certain things pertaining to me and events that have transpired the past few months. I am happy right now. Last night I was genuinely happy. My friends were surrounding me...those who have been there since last year, thick and thin, there at every second I needed them most...my support, my life...thank you all...but honestly, last night I can't describe anything but being happy. I finished a song that I'm going to record the piano/vocals for at Kazu's house possibly within the next several days and I'm excited. My piano playing is getting there, today I did very well practicing and realized a lot of things clicked in some pieces that haven't been.

I was in the best of company last night...and the four hour or so conversation till the two of us just passed out cold on the couch asleep was enough to make me just want to run out of the house beaming...I don't know what it was, maybe just being able to talk about things, have someone listen, and smile and joke with you and really enjoying their company...the simple things in life.

I was going nuts the last few days because my computer seemed to have a problem (missing IDE drivers but device manager wasnt displaying them as missing so I went nuts looking for the solution to a problem)...my cell phone battery went dead and I had to buy a new one, my keyboard is in the shop (but hopefully on Monday I will trade it in for a new/better one and get back to recording and really working on making some music), and a lot of emotional things have been snapping in my head and causing me to just have random fits of depression...but last night things clicked into place.

I knew they clicked into place when I realized that the material things that were broken were fixed. And I also realized that the emotional things that were broken...I ignored them. That sounds either dick that I ignored something like that and the actions of somebody, but I really did, and I didn't have to think about it. The people that have showed their true colors were occupying my thoughts.

I went around the room and just looked at my friends and thought and told myself I have to change, for them, for me, for everything.

Becca has been there since pre-breakup and has been there through thick and thin...she has always offered an ear to listen, someone to slap me in the face with common sense or just let me ramble for hours on AIM if anything just to let me have an output.

Will has been a cool jamming buddy! He's a cool kid, need to get to know him better.

Bill has supported me a lot with music related things since I've been at Eastman and him at Hartt - we'll be all over Fairfield High in five years ;) Bye Fiftal and Breaux.

Lindsay, my ballerina, who has always been so chip and happy around me and ready to dispense hugs and look at me and smile and laugh at my corny jokes or under the breath remarks...who came to my rescue with Becca this summer and helped me calm myself down. I also like Lindsay because she's put up with my endless bashing of her toe incident in the garden since it hapenned and the mayo fights and getting lost forever in NYC...hehe, I guess I do need a map.

I looked at Frances who has showed me in many ways lately that there is a possibility that nice guys don't always finish last. She's such an awesome friend and fun person to hang out with...I guess we relate well because I can talk to her about music for hours and she can talk to me about gymnastics and we can relate to being totally in love with something for the rest of our lives and it's nice to have people who listen. The ticklings fights have always been a smile popper and you can't beat those nights when you're home alone and she's been there to bail me out with the offer of a corny chick flick and good company to watch it in. Whatever happens in any time frame I really hope she goes to Ithaca...bad enough she's moving to MA that she could be at William and Mary making it harder to keep in touch. I wrote that song for her and she started crying in the car and has always been there to tell me to think higher of myself when I don't think of myself period.

This has turned into a huge long dramatic entry. I just wanted to thank my friends for being more than just a ray of sunshine in my life...you guys are my sunshine, my life, my energy, my motivation.

It's been a while since I've felt this happy and bounch and even under literally 2 hours of semi-interrupted sleep...I'm so happy. I want to go and find them all and give them hugs and tell them how much I love them and appreciate them. Thank you guys for making New Years especially fun and special this year.

I think it's time to let myself be happy and to move on to different things in life. I think I'm ready.

Final Grade Update

2004-12-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

The last grade sent in today:

Voice Class I: A

*Pats back for a job well done at first semester*

Fucking...just my luck

2004-12-23T14:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't been sick for a year, in fact, I've been really amazing health wise since I've been at college what with communal showers and the whole 9 yards.

With a wonderful fever of about 101.7* F, a headache that is currently running on 7.1 Dolby Surround Sound and my body that is aching like I was a 91 year old about to die...I have been diagnosed with the flu.

Thank god I caught it early enough...but I feel like shit.

Here's the kicker: Christmas countdown is in 48 hours - and for 48 hours I'm not allowed to be around people...I have to stay in my house, sleep, drink liquid, and sleep. Christmas day unless I'm feeling especially happy and cheerful and I don't have a fever...I have to spend the day away from the family - in my room. How much does that suck?

Hopefully, with 5 days of meds, I'll be able to hang out with people as of Monday and salvage this vacation... I really hope I'm feeling better soon...like hoping and praying...cause I hate being sick.

(Grade Update: The Grades portion of the the school site is disabled till 12/27/04 due to too many people (like me) logging on and checking for grades impulsively every 5 minutes, so until then, still waiting on Voice Class I and Colloquium).

Update on Grades

2004-12-19T21:33:00.000-08:00

Grade Update:

Primary Piano (Lessons): A-
Humanities: A-
Intro to Music Education: A-
ERC: A
Reperatory Singers: A
Clarinet Class: A
Music Theory: B+
Musicianship (Ear Training): B+
Percussion Methods: B+

Still waiting on grades for Colloquium and Voice Class...so far, I'm very pleased with myself :)

DONE! Happy Peak Judeo Christian Retail Holiday Season everybody!

2004-12-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

DONE! Finals are over with. 1/8 of college is done. I have survived a semester at Eastman.

Wow...now to catch up on much needed sleep.

mmm...I have some of the best friends...between the few at Eastman who have helped me so much and have taught me something new everyday...to those from FHS and those who are now home...thank you all for teaching me how to smile...you're more valuable to me than anything...and even though I'm slightly disgusted at one of my friend's and hurt and upset at them...it's vacation and I'm not going to stress myself out with it...I have more important things to do...

It's over though...I started practicing piano again today and realized how like...3 days of really not playing anything on the piano have really taken a toll...not exagerating...I practiced for like two hours today because I have no attention span...I'll work on that...I really need to sound good at this recital and I really want to show my teacher how much work I can handle over a break and that I am a reliable student..

Most of my grades are in, still waiting on Voice Class and Primary Lessons grade...so far:

Music Theory - B+
Musicianship - B+
Percussion - B+
Rep Singers - A
ERC - A
Clarinet Class - A
Intro to Music Education - A-

Hopefully the last two grades will be As, that'll make me happier.

I can't wait till next week...shopping in NYC for the day and hopefully it won't be a horrible retail experience.

I can't believe I brought home as much stuff as I did...my big ass keyboard, two boxes of computer stuff, a giant duffle bag, a backpack and some other things...Josh brought back four duffle bags, two pillows and a backpack..lemme tell you, I felt like I was in a clown car, but we got home fine at like 1:30am/2am or something like that.

Man, it's good to be home...and I know I have been skipping a lot out of order...but yeah it's over...3-3.5 weeks of rest...mm...I'm so happy...thank you to all my friends I've seen so far who've really genuinely missed me and are so happy around me...I love the feeling of having people who really like you for who you are...I can be myself around you all...that sounded cheesy, but its' true...thank you, you guys know who you are..

-Em

Almost there...

2004-12-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

Now with classes officially over, I have two finals left tomorrw, and I should be done with everything around 2pm Eastern Time on Wednesday - thus, I have survived my first semester at Eastman School of Music.

I can't wait to go home and start recording some music with a recording setup that is convenient and doesn't require crawling around my desk and everything. I can't wait.

I can't wait to see everyone, I miss you all, especially those who have been there and listened to me all semester and really shown how much of a part of my life you have become...or even more so...thank you for everything, I will see you all soon.

Finals Part II

2004-12-09T15:27:00.000-08:00

Alright, two finals down, a few to go, but at least no more finals till Monday *phewf*.

One concert tonight in about an hour, then a voice recital on Monday night, then a few more teaching observations hours from Friday - Monday and I will be set. Hopefully. Oh, Theory and Musicanship are going to rape me, but oh wellll such is life, right? We all get fucked in the end lol.

Right

Awesome piano lesson. He really thought I improved significantly, so I'm happy. Almost there, shedding my skin, and wearing my emotions on my sleeve. Got two new pieces, well one new piece, the Bach Prelude and Fugue in d minor from Book 2 and then assigned to finish the rest of the Mozart Sonata. I'm excited.

Alright time to get ready for the concert...no musicianship in the AM tomorrow so I get to sleep in a little and stay half awake in Humanities...

Finals

2004-12-09T10:34:00.000-08:00

*sighs*

Almost Friday...on a side note, got a 49/50 on my Clarinet final ...not bad for sight reading ;)

Finals are almost done!!! THEN VACATION! I can't wait!!

Rant

2004-12-09T10:05:00.000-08:00

I've fallen for it. Three times. Well, I don't remember. Maybe more, who knows. I feel so stupid, and used, and jaded. I can't believe I thought anything was there anymore, I can't believe I believed the "lies" - whether they were lies or not, I'm not 100% sure, but the fact that nobody lives up to a promise or lives up to what they say anymore this world makes it seem like this. It seems I've lost whatever connection it was...does it really matter, in the end I probably won't know, but for now I know plenty of other people have been around and here for me when another wasn't, and I know where you stand now. I don't know.

It's like...everything this past year - all the the hope I had/have, is gone. I mean, I remember way back two years ago how you couldn't even say the word "hope" and I believed in it. Now it seems you either believe it and I don't. I don't understand how things change - the worst is, do you even mean "I'm sorry" when you say it? How do I know? One day you tell me how much I'm missed, how you want to see me...the next day I'm thrown back down...then you don't talk to me...then you talk to me and the instantly we argue again and I tell you you're hurting me, and that you're scaring me and you don't seem to care anymore. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, I don't know, I'm sorry, but I remember when you felt alone and people throwing you down and I helped you out of it, or tried the best I could and then slowly you started to "turn on me". I'm not falling for it. At least not again, not for a long time. I need to make myself happy - the worst part is that I'm so afraid that someone else will use me like that or just take me for granted that I'm scared to death to try something new and be happy again. I shouldn't be, but I am, and I don't know how to explain it.

I don't even know how to express my frustration...it's not even frustration...I'm not even mad at you, I'm mad at myself for falling for it again, for dropping things left and right for nothing in the end..I mean, it wasn't nothing, I don't regret the times we had, but I mean, this first semester was way more stress in my head than I needed for one thing...I'm sure you weren't stressed at all. When are you going to realize that I really care and that you don't hurt friends like this? Have I ever hurt you? Have I shut you down, said fuck off, not talked to you for days on end and then acted like if nothing was wrong? I've always appologized out of a hope that maybe one day, just ONE day, you'd turn around and go "listen I'm sorry, I really mean it, please forgive me". You know I would, if you meant it.

I wish things weren't like this. I hate it. Losing you one way was fine, I was cool with it, cause nothing is forever. But the one thing I didn't want to lose was my friendship - my best friend - and you know what, you SAID it this usmmer, you SAID "It's going to be tough without my best friend" -- YOU CALLED ME YOUR BEST FRIEND. Does that mean anything? I know when I call someone my best friend I'm there, I listen, I help, I don't turn them off, I don't shut them down, I don't lose my trust in them...why is it that you feel you can do that to me...why is that...I don't get it.

And now I've gone to the ultimate low. I had to get it out. This is the only way I can get my frustrations out. I've kept most of my promises to you and the ones I haven't I remade into a new promise and have kept for a damn long time. ISn't the least thing you can do is not lie to me and keep you word? I mean why should I even bother anymore if all you do is take me for granted. That's what it feels like. I'm being taken for granted. You have no idea how hurt I am and the only reason I do all this extra stuff here and stress myself out with work here is to stop thinking about it...and even then I can't stop.

Just tell me one thing...why?

Sorry for this rant...I'll follow up with a more cheerful entry.

Great friends...

2004-12-05T11:50:00.000-08:00

I have the best friends here I think. Or at least, I've found a group of friends here that I know will support me for a long time and that I know I can have an amazing time with.

Jeff and Owen were such a help. They listened to my caucophony the night before the Piano Department Recital I was playing in. For some reason, I didn't get really nervous. Jeff helped me out a bit and then everyone wished me luck. Jeff even got up on Saturday to come and listen to me in the recital even though I was playing just the Bach Prelude. And Owen got up around 8:30 to come with me at Eastman and hear me play through it a few times in the morning for him and he helped me out with different things I could do at the end of the piece. They really didn't need to, but it was insanely considerate and supportive of them.

Jeff sat through the whole recital...must have been painful cause it was pretty shitty. I went first, and somehow I controlled my nervousness...my mind was racing, but I can't quite remember if I was shaking or not...and my hands stayed together and the piece finished, and I played into the keys, I managed to control it...it's the first time that I've been able to do it. Jeff told me he thought that I played very well compared to everyone else because I seemed more "committed" to it then they were...by committed he means, that I played into the piano and everything while everyone played above the keybed and really didnt commit to making a good sound. I have to agree...I really did make an effort that if anything I did, I was at least playing on the keybed and making a solid tone come out...and I didnt' mess up...there's always room for improvement, but I'm so happy I was able to play without letting my nervousness destroy me.

We all went out to dinner last night: Jeff, Jordan, and I. It was awesome. Lots of inside jokes. "Did you get lost in Dick's?" "If you put Dick's and Big Kmart together, you get Big Dick's" "OH you can sit in the front, it's ladies night" "I'll have a chicken alfredo" "Do you want to join the Cirque du Soleil?" I always laugh so hard when we all hang out...laughter is good medicine to make you forget about regular life.

I have seriously found the best friends here at Eastman...everyone here is so supportive, again thanks to Jeff and Owen for really making a big deal out of one little prelude and really believing in me...might not seem like a big thing in the long run, but right now, having pianists that are soooo good support me and really want to hear me play and perform well and want to help me, is such an awesome thing. I'm definitely going to miss them over vacation.

Fire alarms

2004-12-01T23:29:00.000-08:00

When it's 25 degrees out...and midnight...the fire alarm should not be set off...

Then again...at 12:30am...the same thing should not happen.

Nor should it happen at 1am.

Nor 1:30am.

Nor 2am.

*sighs* And the strobe lights still flash through it all, it's ridiculous. *yells at the alarms*

Definitely not going to class tomorrow...

Gobble. Gobble.

2004-11-25T16:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Turkey Day!

Alright, so being home rocks. It's been really awesome. I came home Monday night with Josh, I was driving from 5:30pm till about 12ish, with one 2 minute pitstop for gas. We hung out till 3, I crashed, and woke up at 7 to go home and then drive my brother off to school. I spent the morning watching Jeff's concert on DVD, then the Goldberg Variations on DVD...did a little piano practicing...like 4 hours, not much right? Hung out with my mom, just talked...got a haircut, and then went out with everyone - got to see Becca, Lindsay, Bill, Dan, Will, and Kacey decided to show up at Archie Moore's with us. It was a nice evening.

Yesterday, (wed) I had a doctor's appt. I was misdiagnosed in Rochester apparently. I don't have tennis elbow, shouldn't have had another cortizone shot, and shouldn't be on Bextra. Great, right? I came home, practiced again for four hours...relaxed...then again we all went out cause Lindsay was going to Georgia in the early wee morning hours for Thanksgiving, which sucks cause we were all looking forward to see her and now she's gone till Christmas, which sucks more cause she doesn't get out till Wed. Oh, and while I was practicing Rosie stopped by and said hi, and it was nice seeing her too cause I missed her and wasn't able to visit her the previous weekend. Yeah.

Today...was so nice and relaxing...we had nobody over...stayed home, just the four of us...ate, I took a nap...saw "After The Sunset" and it's been just a nice relaxing day...and now I'm bored haha...Clothes shopping tomorrow cause I'm fat and having a child called "the Freshman 15".

Anyways, happy thanksgiving to everyone...I miss everyone back at Eastman, but I'll wait till sunday to let it hit me ;) Everyone needs a break from an intense environment like that every once in a while.

Night all.

Oh, Dave...

2004-11-21T06:37:00.000-08:00

So last night I couldn't sleep. I woke up at around 3ish wide awake, wondering how I was having sucha bad night's sleep. Turns out that I forgot my tension headache medicine has massive amounts of caffeine in it...

Anyways, here's Dave's comment on the situation.

ASpiffyPeeanist (4:47:50 AM): i forget that all the time!

Auto response from AeL12002 (4:47:50 AM): trying to sleep...i totally forgot that Excedrin Tension Headache pills contain doses of caffeine in them...

ASpiffyPeeanist (4:48:38 AM): I also forget that coricedin contains a high amount of amphetamines when i overdose on it to get high... er.....

ASpiffyPeeanist (4:48:43 AM): I mean...

ASpiffyPeeanist (4:48:55 AM): ...long live Schoenberg!

She's been poisoned...

2004-11-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a while...who cares, who reads this anyways, really?

Practice. Work. Practice. Concert with a mini solo in it a few weeks back, then parents weekend, that was good fun.

Jeff had his concert tonight. Yeah, Jeff, 1st Semester Freshmen, won the Franck Symphonic Variations Concert a few weeks back. He outplayed three doctoral performance majors and a masters student and got the opportunity to play in Eastman Theater with the Philharmonia. On top of a perfect performance tonight, the program couldn't have been more gorgeous. It was probably the greatest concert I have been to all year so far here and that's saying a lot.

And now bed. That was the mini update. More come after my 8 page paper due Friday is written and completed.

Have you ever...

2004-10-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

noticed how when "hardcore" classical piano players listen to music they convulse? Almost everyone I've seen here does it...I do it to Dream Theater - but it's rock. I could never headbang to classical music...it doesn't have that "FUCK YEA MOZART KICK ASS BITCH!" effect on me. It's just funny seeing what the music does to some people who've grown up with JUST that around them...they headbang and shake their head repeatedly...my neck almost hurts watching.

Reasons why Peter is the best:

2004-10-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

SD Chocobo (12:43:21 AM): My room is just liike my penis now:GIGANTIC
AeL12002 (12:43:37 AM): hahahahahahahaa
AeL12002 (12:43:41 AM): profile time
SD Chocobo (12:44:09 AM): YES!
AeL12002 (12:44:13 AM): done
SD Chocobo (12:44:50 AM): People are gonna think I'm some gigantic-donged sex-pervert with a room big enough to fit five families of asian immigrants.I don't know why asian.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SD Chocobo (1:06:14 AM): G'night
AeL12002 (1:06:15 AM): needle dick, ttyl
SD Chocobo (1:06:21 AM): Needle like PIERCING?
AeL12002 (1:06:27 AM): no like, tiny
AeL12002 (1:06:29 AM): like a needle
AeL12002 (1:06:32 AM): like small and tiny
AeL12002 (1:06:38 AM): like needle in a haystack tiny
SD Chocobo (1:06:57 AM): That means that everyone is really happy when I finally whip it out
SD Chocobo (1:07:07 AM): 'cause everyone is always lookin' for the needle in the haystack
SD Chocobo (1:07:13 AM): It brings them money
AeL12002 (1:07:14 AM): thats not a good thing lol
SD Chocobo (1:07:16 AM): money=semen
AeL12002 (1:07:20 AM): HAHAHA
AeL12002 (1:07:21 AM): profile.S
D Chocobo (1:07:22 AM): Damn straight
SD Chocobo (1:07:39 AM): people are gonna think I'm TOTALLY gross because you laugh at the horrible things i say that I normally wouldn't say but I do to make you laugh

Vitezslav Novak

2004-10-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

I got a B+ on my first ever college paper for Humanities. Two points for me. Yay.

Capoeira doesn't start till NEXT Friday, and at that point I'm back in Fairfield, I guess I can always start it the Tuesday evening I get back if I make sure not to get back too late...if not then that Friday.

I went to Sibley with Owen last night and chose two pieces at total randomness - might as well have blindfolded me and gone "PICK ONE" or two. I got a piano version of Liszt's Symphonic Poem No.4 "Orpheus" and a collection of works by Vitezlsav Novak. Three points for coolest name. Well almost coolest asides mine. Is coolest a words?

I played through parts of them last night too when I was finally able to practice THREE hours, it felt so good. You have no idea how good it feels to be able to practice after wrist pains for two weeks. So good. I got a lot of work down, worked out some kinks in the Prelude and Fugue and the Mozart. I'll work on the Chopin and the Bach pieces tonight...and start learning the Orpheus. I don't know what about it I like...it feels like "my" piece...I haven't found a piano recording of it yet at Sibley, nor has a lot of people really heard of it...even Jeff, who knows a TON about music.

The Orpheus is so beautiful though...well I think it is...you definitely get a better perspective on how to approach it on the piano after hearing the original orchestral recoring of it on an old LP disc...it was gorgeous.

The Novak is fun. It's very dance like, I can pick my way through parts of it and get a feel for it...whatever is within my technical grasp.

OMG TGIF!!!!!

T
G
I
F

I only have one major assignment and it's to prepare for the Skills Exam test this upcoming Wednesday. Yay, first time I get to "teach" something "formally" and actually get graded on it!

I'm scared.

Haha...oh man, this weekend! Just the fact I can practice again...makes me feel so happy.

Lenti (my piano teacher) told me that he liked what I was doing with the Mozart or rather how it sounded when I played for him. A COMPLIMENT! HELL YEA!

I hope that I get more this Wednesday cause I'm gonna practice with the enthusiasm at a Jew locked in a room full of Motzah Bread...or something to that effect (that was for you Pete).

Talk to you later all...whoever reads this at least lol.

SSFTA and Capoeira

2004-09-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

It's been a good week since I've updated.

I went home last weekend...it was worth every penny of the plane ticket and three days of just getting away and clearing my mind. I think I actually have a better frame of mind now that I'm back - I know what I need to focus on, this is what I want, I'm going for it with all my heart now. No looking back.

Three days at home...got to see Lindsay Wood, Kacey, Steve, Kazu, and Frances...it was great, I missed them all - I really missed goofing off with everyone...they all get my sense of humor, people here are still trying to get used to it, then again I have been "your mom" free for a month now, and I said my first "your mom" joke that weekend in about a month and a half, so it felt good.

My family and I adopted a kitten, we named her Pounce, she's adorable. She's 7 weeks old and has one eye, which is sad, but you barely notice, and she's very energetic and so cute and happy that you wouldn't want to not adopt her (talk about a double negative right?) I missed Adrien and my parents, got to see Adrien's new capoeira class and spend time with mom and dad during the weekend...a nice break.

Now, I'm back up here at Eastman. It's been interesting...piano teacher is a hard ass, but he says everything with a smile, so that's good, right? nothing but improvement. Classes are intense as fuck, but it'll get better as soon as my brain shifts gears.

So today Owen and I went to University of Rochseter to get his social security number (he's Canadian, and they're not cool enough to be citizens anyways, just kidding Owen), so we decided we're going to build our own music school across from Eastman, called the "Scriabin School For The Arts" --- or SSFTA, don't know why, it was funny at the time and we laughed about it all the way back to Eastman. If you didn't know, Owen is Scriabin reincarnated...he eats, sleeps, and breathes Scriabin.

Now, new stuff:

I found a place that does Capoeira and I can participate it Wednesday, Friday, Sunday. I'm so excited. 2 days a week it's at University of Rochester and it's FREE and the other day is just SEVEN dollars a class. Getting in on it when classes start next week, I CANNOT wait to start.

That's my two cents, time for music theory.

Canada

2004-09-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

The end of a music theory debate with Owen, the Chinadian:

AeL12002 (10:29:38 PM): you're canadian, i will always know more about music theory and things like that than you will
StormPetrel ESM (10:29:44 PM): I agree that you know a lot more theory than I do
StormPetrel ESM (10:30:04 PM): seriously don't bring this Canadian thing up, it's seriously bullshit
StormPetrel ESM (10:30:24 PM): making fun of my country is not fun
AeL12002 (10:30:27 PM): no, it's a known fact
AeL12002 (10:30:42 PM): look i know you can't help being canadian, it's not your fault, im not saying it is
StormPetrel ESM (10:31:09 PM): wtf man, that's discrimination

It's not discrimination. As I said, not my fault you were born there. But you know I'm just kidding.

Eastman Cereals Inc.

2004-09-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

Owen and I were talking over dinner how some people have great technique...well at least I was talking about it...I wonder how it's possibly that some people play the way they do, because I put a lot into practicing and am nowhere near that, and these people here have innate abilities...so Owen and I agreed that they do the following.

Our theory is that, as a child they had "Box of Technique" for breakfast, where you eat this cereal called "technique cereal" and like BAM you can play. This goes for other aspects of music. And I think Eastman should start their line of cereal.

"Box of Technique - part of a complete practice diet."

It's like, pour "A Box o' Technique", add milk, and bam, your fingers play without you having to lift them yourselves.

I need to get me a box of technique.

College Food

2004-09-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

sucks.

Plain and simple. I want home cooked meals - and to think all the nights I wanted take out! Never again! I don't think for a while at least...the food is so unfilling, and so unhealthy...I've been reduced to water and like one serving of food for fear that the second serving will trigger the infamous "Freshman 15" on me. It's scary. Very scary.

Had a piano lesson on Wednesday, very helpful. One of the best lessons ever. We spent 45 minutes on the opening 8 or so measures of the Mozart D major K311 Sonata that I'm learning, and then like 10 or so minutes on the Chopin Nocturn in f minor Op.55, No.1 that we didn't have time to go over more on. Very informative. I now know what Jeff means when he says that with Mozart, you have to listen to every single tiny detail. Every note has its meaning, and you have to really be able to play everything close to perfection. It's a fun and lively piece and really new to me, so I know that I'll be able to apply much of what I'm learning to what I'm actually playing. Great stuff, very informative lesson. So good.

I'm starting to really like here...it's the type of musical environment where you can hum the melody to just about any piece of music and SOMEONE will know it. It's a lot of fun.

I've decided to join MENC and ACDA this upcoming week - Music Educators National Conference and American Choral Director Association - which will be really good. I'm getting pysched for this music ed program here - at the same time I wish I was good enough to do both performance and ed, cause being surrounded by so many piano performance majors is rubbing off and giving me that yearning to ONE day be able to play great pieces in front of people sucessfuly without tripping over and messing up.

Everything is going smooth....thus far....piano recital last night, another one tonight....good stuff, good music, good times.

Labor Day Weekend

2004-09-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

Eat.

Sleep.

Music.

Wake up in the morning and eat breakfast. Go and do 2 hours of piano playing. Come back eat lunch. Study a bit, listen to music, go down to dinner, eat again, and go back for another 2 hours of piano practice. Get back to the room, watch a movie, and sleep.

Repeat this above process about 7 days a week for the next four years of your life.

Welcome, to Eastman School of Music.

This has been a wild week. A slightly better weekend. Got practicing in, learned music at an incredibly fast pace for myself but it's all for the best.

Hung out with Owen a lot and watched like three movies this weekend. Cool Kid. His sandwhich at lunch today still had wax paper in between slices of cheese and he ate about 3/4 of it before realizing he was eating paper. Very funny.

Pretty uneventful...everyone's nice here, just wish this was Fairfield were there is actuallly stuff nearby to do on the weekends...the disadvantages to living in a business district I guess.

I didn't get into Eastman Chorale - or secondary voice...no wonder, I had a sinus infection for both auditions so they put me in Rep Singers and Eastman-Rochester Chorus and with voice lessons for a semester so I can build up solo repertoire and try out for secondary voice again NEXT semester.

So that's my life in a nutshell. I practice everyday, diligently, I buy more sheet music than I can read at one given period and now I'm going to work on sight reading and music reading better so learning a piece comes as less as a challenge and more as enjoyment and then I'll be on my way. One day I will be as good as some performance majors - or at least the best musician that I can be.

Lessons and Classes

2004-09-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

So I had my first piano lesson with Professor Lenti yesterday and after about three minutes of me playing for him he stopped me and pulled out my files from my audition day to read the comments he made.

"Playing is acceptable...but repertoire is sparse for someone who has played for so long."

So he assigned me:

Bach - Prelude and Fugue in c minor (WTC I)
Mozart - Sonata in D major K.311 (1st movement)
Chopin - Nocturne in f minor Op.55

All to be basically learned and playable by next Wednesday....yay, pick me...

Classes started and I've already got an Exam on the 22nd of Sept. for Music Education - gotta teach the class for 20 minutes...this should be interesting...have a lot of work to do on top of practice, that's all for now.

Stimulate

2004-08-31T18:30:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been an emotional roller coaster for me in more ways than one. Everytime I feel depressed - something around here makes me happy again. Everytime I'm happy - the few things bringing me down resurface and I'm powerless to it.

I've been depressed mostly for two reasons. I wish my piano teacher had pressured me more and treated me as if I was always going into music from the start. I wish I could compete with some of these piano players here, I wish I could play the repertoire they play. I know most of it is me, because I'm the one learning and I should push myself, but I really wish that my teacher and I had pushed me a lot more than just this past year.

The other reason is that I've seemingly lost again....but good things come to those who wait...I don't want to discuss this in depth much past this - I'll wait till the river flows through the valley again...and hopefully the next time it flows, she'll stay....hopefully...

This school is everything I've been looking for these past few years. A musical environment that I can find inspiration from just about anything around here. Everyone has something to offer. In ways, it sucks not being able to compete with anyone and play like a lot of the piano players here - however, it lets me chill out knowing that I can't even lift a finger against some people...and that I can just enjoy listening to them in the halls and just work on myself without worrying about the next person - cause there's no point, they are lightyears ahead of me.

I listened to Owen play the Scriabin Sonata No.2 - a great performance...the last movement is killer and his ability to play it is amazing. I definitely felt really really happy after that...like another boost of energy of - go and kick everyone's ass, and practice like you never have before.

After dinner...I listened to Jeff play. This kid was finalist in the International Piano Concerto Competition at Eastman...he is God on keys...I've never met a kid my age who plays like he can...I think in some cases I enjoyed listening to him play more than I do when I listen to Jordan Rudess play...shh...don't tell Steve that.

Jeff played from about 6:30ish - 9....nonstop...just piece to piece to piece, with a passion for each one, and the ability to stop and talk about it...he is truly an amazing performer, I can't wait to hear him out of a practice room setting because he is truly an amazing character. He was even interested in what I was playing and didn't make fun of me or put me down but gave me useful advice.

Sad to say, I came out of that room with a fucking tear in my eye because he was just so awesome...between him and Owen I know that I will grow as a musician because I have a lot to learn, and just by sitting and listening to them both play I've learned that if I just go to the practice room, shut everything off, and listening to what I'm playing and just force myself to get through it, I will advance 10 fold...

Eastman, I'm ready for you. Give me what you've got.

British Invasion

2004-08-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and goes "Oh my God, it's so fucking hot in here!" The other muffin turns around and screams, "OH MY GOD!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

That my friends, was a joke told at lunch today by a Junior named, Paul, who is a British exchange student for this fall semester. Not many people laughed. Well, I did and so did Jeff (piano performance). "Oh my God, you guys actually got it? That is so great, cause everyone else here is like 'what the hell?' I'm telling you there is such a difference between british and american humor it's amazing."

So Jeff turns to him and goes "Yea, well American humor can be summed up to this: 'ah huh huh huh - SEX! HAHA!"

----

Jason Holmes (sophomore, performance/music ed, voice), is hilarious. Reminds me of Keith Topar in EVERYTHING. His brain doesn't stop. Funniest quote: "I'm gonna take my hand and just ram your face into it - I'm not gonna slap you, but it's gonna have the same effect."

Thank god I feel better today - actually a lot better, cause I wouldn't have gone down...but funniest table ever.

Harry Potter and the Secret Passages of Eastman School of Music

2004-08-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

So today I got up at 7am to get ready and get to a practice room early enough so I'd be alone and get to practice and finish my dad of playing by noon so I could do more enjoyable activities.

Early bird catches the worm? No, Emeric catches the locked door to the Annex lol.

So I went to "CenterStage Cafe" grabbed a snapple and walked for 20 minutes around downtown Rochester. It was really nice out, cool breeze, and it did some good to drain my head and to sort of just breathe fresh non hot and humid air.

I went back to Eastman, found it was closed again and this time went to Java's, got a fresh strawberry smoothie and a banana trail mix thing that is really healthy and soooo appetizing and filling.

I go back into Eastman to find some chinese kid that I met the day before, Owen, playing on the piano in the main hall. He sees me and runs to where the annex is. So I run to follow him and this was the ensuing conversation, starting with yours truly.

"Hey, that was good what you played, you don't need to run away."
"No, my break is ova, I been here two hours already."
"What? How? This was locked."
"Secret passage I get to annex."
"What do you mean, secret passage?"
"Up on third floor, take right, passage to annex."
"Wow, I didn't know that thanks."
*Step into elevator*
"So you performance?"
"No, Music Ed."
"Oh, I'm performance."
"Cool."
"Haha I beat you I been here since 7:30 I been here two hours."
"Okay..."
"want me show you passage?"
"Sure"

So, Owen, who talks like he has an apple in his mouth (no seriously, really heavy chinese accent, but cool kid) brings me up to the third floor and sure enough we take a right and this hall leads right to the annex. How the hell does this incoming freshman know that?

So now on top of knowing that the 6th floor has ALL the grand pianos you could want to play on, and that I can get into Eastman's practice rooms via side entrance, my day is complete. I played on a nice Steinway Baby Grand with an amazing sound...definitely felt refreshed. Thank you Owen.

Walmart: The Legend

2004-08-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today I lived the legend that is Walmart. Tonight rather. I actually drove through a neighborhood similar to New Haven and Bridgeport + Harlem + the ghettos of Rochester for about 15 minutes to find it.

Very scary, never going out like that in West End past nightfall. Ever. Unless I have someone with me, it was really creepy.

Walmart is a legend. A myth. But it's real. The yellow rollback guy is EVERYWHERE! And he's slashing prices right in front of me! No wonder everybody and their mom goes here. Great values for EVERYTHING! I even found my hanging file folders! Yay organization.

Anyways I went there for cold and sinus medication. I found it. And EXTRA SOFT TISSUES! Yay!

Okay, it's like 9:30 and I'm hitting the sack...it sucks there was a toga/dance party downstairs as orientation stuff and I'm like not feeling well at all...oh well, there WILL be more things around I hope. I need to get up early anyways to practice before all the GOOD practice rooms are taken. Night all.

Wilson's Day

2004-08-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

So in Rochester we have this day where all the University of Rochester and Eastman students go out in groups and do community service for a LONG time.

Our group went out and worked on taking the weeds out of some pathways at this house that is like 200 years old and a museum and then we deweeded a lot around the area and got back around 1pm. So it sucked.

But, I made some cool friends - Grahm, Dave, Curtis, Andrew, and Jesse, or at least they seemed nice enough. I might go work out with a few of them this weekend after I take care of getting my practice sesions in.

Fall Semester 04-05

2004-08-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

I finally made my schedule today, here is how it goes:

Monday
8:35 - 9:25 - Musicianship I (Aural Theory)
9:25 - 10:30 - Humanities: Western Cultural Tradition
1:35 - 2:25 - Ensemble : Chorale
5:35 - 6:25 - Voice Class

Tuesday
9:35 - 10:25 Model Composition and Tonal Analysis (Written Theory)
10:35 - 11:25 - Eastman Colloquium (Freshman Discussion)
1:35 - 2:25 - Music Education: Basic Percussion Class

Wednesday
8:35 - 9:25 - Musicianship I (Aural Theory)
9:25 - 10:30 - Humanities: Western Cultural Tradition
12:35 - 1:25 - Intro to Music Education
1:35 - 2:25 - Ensemble: Chorale

Thursday
9:35 - 10:25 - Model Composition and Tonal Analysis (Written Theory)
11:35 - 12:25 - Music Education: Basic Clarinet Class
1:35 - 2:25 - Ensemble: Chorale

Friday
8:35 - 9:25 - Musicianship I (Aural Theory)
9:25 - 10:30 - Humanities: Western Cultural Tradition
1:35 - 2:25 - Ensemble: Chorale

+ 4 hours expected practice on piano per day
+ 1 hour piano lessons per week

So for a total of 9-10 courses, not bad right?

What is sleep, by the way?

The Practice Room

2004-08-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

I think that one thing that most definitely should not be overlooked her, are the 8-10 floors of practice rooms in a building called the "Annex" in back of Eastman.

Now, the reason of my "intrigue" with them is that...when you're in one and you're playing, you don't hear anything. It's like a vacuum of sound around you, only you - which is a great feeling until...

Oh my God! YOU STOP PLAYING! Then this RUSH of noise from the whole floor of everybody and their mom practicing hits you in the ear drums. I don't know what's more intimidating, being in a school and knowing that every person playing piano is 100 times above you level wise - or actually hearing five performance majors hacking into classical music like it was their job and making you afraid to touch the keys again on the piano you're sitting in front of.

I broke a baby Steinway Grand the other day...on the 8th floor, it wasn't new or anything...one of the higher F sharps hit three notes at the same time which is annoying, and the Bb around there stuck down which was obnoxious. I set up the piano, lifting up the lid and then 10 minutes into playing the lid slams down and cracks off the thing that holds up the lid...I just ran out and went down five flights and sat on an upright.

The practice rooms are quite something...you have a lot of shitty pianos...it's like people teleport themselves here to get the good ones first, it's absolutely insane. What's worse, is that the upperclassmen move in TOMORROW, which means, seeing as how the practice rooms are full NOW, they're gonna be overflowing later...which means weekends and other days willl be spent getting up REALLY early to practice - or staying up till closing time around 1am to get a good piano to play on. Let's face it - if I have to choose between a shitty upright and my keyboard, I'll take my keyboard...the grands in that building are the only pianos that are suited to practice on enough to satisfy yourself and the teachers.

Just thought I'd say that I thought I was intimidated before I came here about the level of musicians around me...but being in the practice room building and hearing EVERYTHING around you...is quite something..in the end I lose motivation to practice - I just want to listen cause a lot of the sound is gorgeous and then I want to cry because I will never get there...

EOC Events

2004-08-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

So here at Eastman for the orientation stuff we have the EOC, a commity dedicated to breaking in the new freshman w00t!

So the events thus far have been...exciting...not only that, a lot of fun. The first night was a movie/carnival night in the courtyard where there was popcorn, snokones and monty python playing and everyone socializing. I met a few music ed students, one who lives like 40 minutes away from Danbury which I thought was pretty cool.

The next night was Square Dance night - actually last night. That was definitely the coolest/awesomeest thing ever. I even got to keep my cowboy straw hat! Which is totally awesome!!! But it was fun, my big sib (person assigned to make sure I fit in and help me out around here), was so funny and then we did limboing (the whole freshman class) and there are some really bendy people out there omg...3 feet off the ground!!!

Tonight is the coffee house crawl - we walk from 8-11pm going to all the local coffee shops to hang out and stuff, so this should be a lot of fun.

The people here are so nice and cool, but for some reason the conversations at hte moment, save with Ian, Jack, and Rick are:

"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's your name?"
"Jim Bob, you?"
"Emeric"
"what? emricki?"
"Emeric"
"Emeri?"
"Emeric"
"Emtick?"
"Emeric"
"Rick?"
"Emeric"
"Em---?"
"Just call me Em."
"So where you from?"
"CT, u?"
"PA."
---silence---
"What do you play?"
"Piano, you?"
"Bass."
"Cool"
---end conversation---

I'm sure it will get past that stage once I meet people in my TWELVE fall semester courses aghhhh!!!

Anyways, time for the Coffee House Crawl. - Em

Eastman School of Music

2004-08-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, at this very moment I am in my dorm at Eastman School of Music in the city of Rochester, NY, where for the next four years of my life...I will be training hard at becoming a "better musician" and ultimately, be trained to be a successful music teacher.

Right.

So, we got here this past weekend (Saturday) after a long drive in which had its hellish start with 45 minutes of the most intense pouring rain I have EVER seen this last month, but we made it. I actually drove around the better part of the weekend sort of orienting myself and getting used to the number of one way streets around here.

Emeric + One Way Streets = Not A Great Combination

Anyways, I moved into quite possibly a REALLY small dorm, but it's shaped nicely so things can be moved around to fit. I actually GOT MY KEYBOARD IN HERE OMG! But, as soon as I took it out of its case, I got my shoelace hooked on the case and I tripped forward landing myself and the keyboard into the floor causing part of the keyboard itself (the outter black case) to just crack totally off...but it still works...

3 Power strips and 2 extension chords later my room is hooked up. Thank God I don't pay an individualized electrical bill. Everything is working out, and my roommate Rick, seems like a nice enough/chill guy - percussion major.

Everyone around here is really friendly. You forget everyone is here at a CONSERVATORY - you'd think the students would be spazzing out about practicing but I guess until classes start and the teacher's studios are open, nobody is worrying about much of anything.

My "big sib" - the person that orients me for the next year, is so cool. She's really nice and my other "sib", Sara(h?), is really nice too just slightly weirded out at being in such a free environment after having been in a boarding school most of her life. Everyone is REALLY nice here.

That's it for the first entry to the new blog. New start - the college years. More info in the next entry.

Em